Introduction To My Blog Series: Living Successfully With Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder
I was 27 years old when I entered into the realization that there was something wrong with me and one of the original diagnosis was Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD.
I say something wrong with me because I was just not able to manage my life on my own and somehow knew there was something wrong with my mind.
Back then, not a lot was known about this horribly stigmatized disorder because BPD patients were considered impossible to treat or wrongly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.
Along with BPD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) and Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (DDNOS) were also added to my diagnostic mix.
ADHD was quickly debunked and over the past two decades most professionals leaned towards my having PTSD or a Dissociative Disorder – but something about these disorders never seemed to fit.
Add menopause to the mix and the confusion became even more confusing.
Anxiety
Here are past blogs I’ve written about my struggles with anxiety and what felt like PTSD or DDNOS:
- Managing Anxiety -The Space of No Mind
- Managing Anxiety and the Mind of Choice
- Anxiety – The Antithesis of Personal Connection
- Anxiety & Cannabidiol (CBD) & Exercise
- Trauma, Flashbacks and Dissociative Disorders
- AM I: In a Panic Attack or Trauma Response or Dissociation or Menopause? How Do I Tell The Difference?
My Struggles With Alcoholism
2018
- Mystic Order – Reiki Level 3A – 21 Day Cleanse – My Alcoholism Is Gone
- Spiritual Discipline – My Alcohol Addiction – My Story Now
- Personal Development – Still Alcohol Free
2019
- Is Too Much a Choice or Addiction?
- Personal Development – After 10 Months – This Wild Woman Is Drinking Again
- Personal Development – This Wild Woman Still Struggles With Alcohol
- Reiki Principle For Today – I Will Not Worry
2020
- One Year No Beer – 28-Day Alcohol Free Challenge
- Personal Development – A Wild Woman Redefined? Absolutely!
- Personal Development – Living Alcohol Free – Day 78
2021
2023
2024
2025
- Overthinking & The Joys Of Living My Twenty-Four Hour AA Program
- From Anxiety To Sobriety: My Life Journey From 52 – 56
- Am I Willing To Trust In God?
- The Distinct Languages of AA, DBT & CPT
Present Day
On February 9th, 2022, I had a thorough psychological assessment by a seasoned psychiatrist. At long last, at 52 years old, I was finally properly diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder.
This blog series called Owning and Unraveling Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder is my way of processing and understanding these complex personality disorders and how they manifest, interfere with and enhance my life.
Perhaps, as it has been said to me from friends who have family members with Borderline Personality Disorder, I can help dispel misconceptions and stigmas associated with these mental illnesses.
And hopefully I can shed some light and more personal information on what living with Histrionic Personality Disorder is like as I review each symptom and diagnostic criteria and how they show up (past or present) in my life.
With hope,
Stephanie, 🩵🌻
Overlapping Symtoms
Diagnosing BPD can be quite challenging as its symptoms overlap the symptoms of other mental health disorders like:
- Major Depressive Disorder (MDD)
- Dissociative Identity Disorder Not Other Wise Specified (DDNOS)
- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)/Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD).
As well, BPD symptoms overlap the symptoms of neurodivergent minds like:
- Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD)
- Autism
For many years, I was misdiagnosed with PTSD, DDNOS and ADHD.
CPTSD was even put on the table, just before my appropriate diagnosis of BPD in 2022.
Four Types Of Borderline Personality Disorders
Recently, I’ve discovered there are 4 types of Borderline Personality Disorder.
So, What Type OF & How BPD Am I?
So, what type of BPD am I?
And, just how BPD am I?
I don’t know.
I wasn’t one who practiced self-harm like cutting and attempted suicide.
I’ve had suicidal thoughts – would call 911 – but didn’t want to die – I felt so empty, so lonely, so lost and without hope – my 911 calls were a cry for help.
In my twenties, fear of abandonment was my most pervasive, troublesome symptom, as well as a strong need for approval and acceptance. Those symptoms were debilitating for me. Chronic and painful to the point of severe anxiety and panic attacks. I didn’t know who or what I was. It was terrifying, confusing and brutal to navigate.
Recently, I was speaking with a school psychologist about BPD, and her experience is that BPD settles over time.
As a woman now in her 50’s, I can agree with this conclusion based on my own life experience of how BPD has manifested in my 20’s and up until now.
I do wonder – has my BPD slowly settled because of getting older and the positive outcomes of current life choices resulting in a degree of contentment?
I don’t know.
That said…
Thankfully, the fears of abandonment and a strong need for approval and acceptance that once haunted and debilitated me in my twenties is not as strong today.
I still experience tsunami sized emotions, impulsivity, worries about abandonment, unclear and unstable self-concept, emptiness, and dissociation: feeling out of touch with reality and disconnected to my life.
Sometimes I feel like an empty shell – disconnected with my environment and my heart – with who I really am.
Hopefully, with the continued work with my therapist, I will start to have a better sense of myself as new DBT skills are introduced to me.
S, 🌻
Quick Links To The Blogs In This Series Living Successfully With BPD & HPD:
Borderline Personality Disorder
Forget Everything I’ve Said – I’ve Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Introduction to Symptoms & Causes
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Strong Opinions & Identity Crisis
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Not PTSD – It’s Emotions – Borderline Style
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Empathic Abilities & Intentional Interventions
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Overlapping Symptoms & What Type Of & How BPD Am I?
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Starting EMDR – Creating New Pathways To Calm
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – The Pros and Cons of Medical THC & CBD
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Gratitude For A Wild & Crazy Life
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Behind My Mona Lisa Smile – What BPD Feels Like For Me
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – The Hulk Uses Dialectical Behaviour Therapy
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Coping With The Inner Critic
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Unstable & Fragile Identities
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Highlights Of DBT’s Emotional Regulation Skills
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Highlights Of DBT’s Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills
Living With Borderline Personally Disorder – DBT – Skills Thermometer – A DBT Skills Anchor Chart
Histrionic Personality Disorder
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Introduction & Symptoms & Diagnostic Criteria
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Shallow, Changeable Emotions
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Assumed Intimacy With Others
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Hypersensitivity To Criticism
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Manipulative Behaviour
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Sexually Provocative Behaviour
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – A Compulsive Desire For Attention
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Preoccupation With Appearance
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Suggestible & Easily Influenced
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