Introduction To My Blog Series: Living Successfully With Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder
I was 27 years old when I entered into the realization that there was something wrong with me and one of the original diagnosis was Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD.
I say something wrong with me because I was just not able to manage my life on my own and somehow knew there was something wrong with my mind.
Back then, not a lot was known about this horribly stigmatized disorder because BPD patients were considered impossible to treat or wrongly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.
Along with BPD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) and Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (DDNOS) were also added to my diagnostic mix.
ADHD was quickly debunked and over the past two decades most professionals leaned towards my having PTSD or a Dissociative Disorder – but something about these disorders never seemed to fit.
Add menopause to the mix and the confusion became even more confusing.
Anxiety
Here are past blogs I’ve written about my struggles with anxiety and what felt like PTSD or DDNOS:
- Managing Anxiety -The Space of No Mind
- Managing Anxiety and the Mind of Choice
- Anxiety – The Antithesis of Personal Connection
- Anxiety & Cannabidiol (CBD) & Exercise
- Trauma, Flashbacks and Dissociative Disorders
- AM I: In a Panic Attack or Trauma Response or Dissociation or Menopause? How Do I Tell The Difference?
My Struggles With Alcoholism
2018
- Mystic Order – Reiki Level 3A – 21 Day Cleanse – My Alcoholism Is Gone
- Spiritual Discipline – My Alcohol Addiction – My Story Now
- Personal Development – Still Alcohol Free
2019
- Is Too Much a Choice or Addiction?
- Personal Development – After 10 Months – This Wild Woman Is Drinking Again
- Personal Development – This Wild Woman Still Struggles With Alcohol
- Reiki Principle For Today – I Will Not Worry
2020
- One Year No Beer – 28-Day Alcohol Free Challenge
- Personal Development – A Wild Woman Redefined? Absolutely!
- Personal Development – Living Alcohol Free – Day 78
2021
2023
2024
2025
- Overthinking & The Joys Of Living My Twenty-Four Hour AA Program
- From Anxiety To Sobriety: My Life Journey From 52 – 56
- Am I Willing To Trust In God?
- The Distinct Languages of AA, DBT & CPT
Present Day
On February 9th, 2022, I had a thorough psychological assessment by a seasoned psychiatrist. At long last, at 52 years old, I was finally properly diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder.
This blog series called Owning and Unraveling Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder is my way of processing and understanding these complex personality disorders and how they manifest, interfere with and enhance my life.
Perhaps, as it has been said to me from friends who have family members with Borderline Personality Disorder, I can help dispel misconceptions and stigmas associated with these mental illnesses.
And hopefully I can shed some light and more personal information on what living with Histrionic Personality Disorder is like as I review each symptom and diagnostic criteria and how they show up (past or present) in my life.
With hope,
Stephanie, 🩵🌻
EMDR: Eye Movement Desensitization And Reprocessing
I’m not spending a lot of time explaining how Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) specifically works.
My reasoning for this is that I can focus too much on intellectualizing a process rather than letting the process happen.
For me, this can be an avoidance tactic rather than diving in.
That said, here is what I know about EMDR:
Over a person’s lifetime, when multiple repeated situations happen resulting in them having a strong emotional reaction of intense fear and anger, their brain consequently develops VERY WELL WORN AND HIGHLY USED NEUROLOGICAL PATHWAYS of intense fear and anger, that then hard-wires their brains that way. As a result, their fear/anger reactions to something small are intense and unreasonable because of these hard-wired neurological pathways.
EMDR creates BRAND NEW NEUROLOGICAL PATHWAYS of peace and calm – to replace the old pathways of intense and unreasonable anger and fear.
Imagine Having A Tool To Build But You Cannot Access It
Here’s the thing – I am starting to learn Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) techniques and tools – but when I’m so overwhelmed with strong emotions – I can’t implement the techniques and tools taught to me.
It’s like this – you’ve been given a hammer, some nails and the step-by-step directions on how to build something.
BUT – you can’t quite reach those tools and the specific directions.
You know you have the capabilities to use the tools and follow the directions – if only you could reach them.
EMDR, I believe – will eventually bring these DBT tools and directions into reach.
When I am caught in an intense emotion like anger or fear – I can intellectualize the DBT techniques and tools I need (mindfulness and observing) but I can’t stay there for long because the emotional reactions are SO strong.
EMDR will hopefully help calm me, so I can use DBT techniques and tools, on a consistent basis.
I think that is it for today.
I am still processing my first EMDR session.
I struggle visualizing a calm place, and picking a colour with a word to associate with calm.
I had a manicure and pedicure of the colour I chose to associate with the word calm – (purple) – to help remind me to visualize calm – when I start feeling an intense emotion coming on.
For my next EMDR session I will bring a picture of a calm place for me – kayaking – to look at when I have to visualize a calm place.
I hope this will help me focus on it and keep the anxiety away.
S, 🌻
Update
May, 2022 – My therapist and I have agreed to postpone EMDR because it brings up a lot and I’m not living in my own space right now. Once my husband and I live on our own property, I will have the safety needed to process what comes up for me.
September 28th, 2024 – I now understand how EMDR would not have been effective for me because it is beneficial for those who have a history of trauma. My emotions are BPD intense, not trauma-based flashbacks. Therefore, because I do not experience flashbacks, and EMDR specifically targets the processing of traumatic memories and helps to reduce their emotional impact, it wouldn’t have worked for me.
The skills that are effective for my BPD intense emotions are found in DBT’s – Distress Tolerance Skills. More can be read about these in my blog:
Quick Links To The Blogs In This Series Living Successfully With BPD & HPD:
Borderline Personality Disorder
Forget Everything I’ve Said – I’ve Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Introduction to Symptoms & Causes
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Strong Opinions & Identity Crisis
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Not PTSD – It’s Emotions – Borderline Style
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Empathic Abilities & Intentional Interventions
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Overlapping Symptoms & What Type Of & How BPD Am I?
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Starting EMDR – Creating New Pathways To Calm
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – The Pros and Cons of Medical THC & CBD
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Gratitude For A Wild & Crazy Life
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Behind My Mona Lisa Smile – What BPD Feels Like For Me
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – The Hulk Uses Dialectical Behaviour Therapy
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Coping With The Inner Critic
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Unstable & Fragile Identities
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Highlights Of DBT’s Emotional Regulation Skills
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Highlights Of DBT’s Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills
Living With Borderline Personally Disorder – DBT – Skills Thermometer – A DBT Skills Anchor Chart
Histrionic Personality Disorder
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Introduction & Symptoms & Diagnostic Criteria
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Shallow, Changeable Emotions
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Assumed Intimacy With Others
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Hypersensitivity To Criticism
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Manipulative Behaviour
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Sexually Provocative Behaviour
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – A Compulsive Desire For Attention
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Preoccupation With Appearance
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Suggestible & Easily Influenced
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