Introduction To My Blog Series: Living Successfully With Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder
I was 27 years old when I entered into the realization that there was something wrong with me and one of the original diagnosis was Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD.
I say something wrong with me because I was just not able to manage my life on my own and somehow knew there was something wrong with my mind.
Back then, not a lot was known about this horribly stigmatized disorder because BPD patients were considered impossible to treat or wrongly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.
Along with BPD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) and Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (DDNOS) were also added to my diagnostic mix.
ADHD was quickly debunked and over the past two decades most professionals leaned towards my having PTSD or a Dissociative Disorder – but something about these disorders never seemed to fit.
Add menopause to the mix and the confusion became even more confusing.
Anxiety
Here are past blogs I’ve written about my struggles with anxiety and what felt like PTSD or DDNOS:
- Managing Anxiety -The Space of No Mind
- Managing Anxiety and the Mind of Choice
- Anxiety – The Antithesis of Personal Connection
- Anxiety & Cannabidiol (CBD) & Exercise
- Trauma, Flashbacks and Dissociative Disorders
- AM I: In a Panic Attack or Trauma Response or Dissociation or Menopause? How Do I Tell The Difference?
My Struggles With Alcoholism
2018
- Mystic Order – Reiki Level 3A – 21 Day Cleanse – My Alcoholism Is Gone
- Spiritual Discipline – My Alcohol Addiction – My Story Now
- Personal Development – Still Alcohol Free
2019
- Is Too Much a Choice or Addiction?
- Personal Development – After 10 Months – This Wild Woman Is Drinking Again
- Personal Development – This Wild Woman Still Struggles With Alcohol
- Reiki Principle For Today – I Will Not Worry
2020
- One Year No Beer – 28-Day Alcohol Free Challenge
- Personal Development – A Wild Woman Redefined? Absolutely!
- Personal Development – Living Alcohol Free – Day 78
2021
2023
2024
2025
- Overthinking & The Joys Of Living My Twenty-Four Hour AA Program
- From Anxiety To Sobriety: My Life Journey From 52 – 56
- Am I Willing To Trust In God?
- The Distinct Languages of AA, DBT & CPT
Present Day
On February 9th, 2022, I had a thorough psychological assessment by a seasoned psychiatrist. At long last, at 52 years old, I was finally properly diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder.
This blog series called Owning and Unraveling Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder is my way of processing and understanding these complex personality disorders and how they manifest, interfere with and enhance my life.
Perhaps, as it has been said to me from friends who have family members with Borderline Personality Disorder, I can help dispel misconceptions and stigmas associated with these mental illnesses.
And hopefully I can shed some light and more personal information on what living with Histrionic Personality Disorder is like as I review each symptom and diagnostic criteria and how they show up (past or present) in my life.
With hope,
Stephanie, 🩵🌻
Not PTSD
I have spent the last two decades scared to death that something hidden in my memory was the reason my body floods with fear when “triggered” by specific and/or not so identifiable situations.
I could not understand or link the intense emotions to the PTSD Flashback symptom of feeling like I was back in a horrible moment.
I was reminded of something horrible – yes – but was still very present in the present moment.
It was very confusing for me.
Until now.
I FINALLY understand why I feel emotions as strongly as I do.
It’s BPD
I do not have PTSD – I have Borderline Personality Disorder.
This is why I am flooded so intensely with anger/rage and act impulsively on it.
This is why I am flooded so intensely with fear resulting in my sympathetic nervous system reacting in fight, flight or freeze.
I love the sub title in Chapter 6 of Borderline Personality for Dummies by Charles H. Elliott and Laura L. Smith called – Emotions Borderline Style.
Here are two paragraphs from the above mentioned book that basically describes how I feel emotions:
Numerous studies have shown that people with BPD experience negative emotions more often than people with healthy personalities do. They have more anxiety, sadness, anger, and jealousy than most people. At the same time, they appear to experience less elation and happiness. Their emotions race from 0 to 60 in mere seconds, and calming their emotions takes longer than you many expect.
Furthermore, the events that trigger the negative emotions of people with BPD don’t have to be huge or life altering because people with BPD often see the world through a dark, distrusting, and distorted lens. They tend to think the world revolves around them and, as a result, often personalize happenings – big or small – that have little or nothing to do with them. In addition to these distorted thought processes, people with BPD sometimes overreact because they have a genetic predisposition to do so.
Page 96 – Borderline Personality for Dummies by Charles H. Elliott and Laura L. Smith
Emotions That Don’t Fit The Situation
“Their emotions race from 0 to 60 in mere seconds, and calming their emotions takes longer than you many expect. “
Page 96 – Borderline Personality for Dummies by Charles H. Elliott and Laura L. Smith
I am now able to identify when this happens to me and why my emotions are so hard to come out of.
I am learning when my body is flooded by strong emotional responses, a majority of my emotional responses do not match the situation that triggered it.
It is this noticing that gives me the space to start implementing mindfulness and breathing techniques to observe the strong emotions taking over my body.
But, most of the emotions are so strong, I can’t get out of them, to be able to do so.
I am learning that cold water (Diver’s Response) or rigorous exercise can help with that.
Then, when my body and emotions are regulated, I can decide what to do with them.
The emotions are telling me something, I now need to learn how to start figuring that out.
Okay, that is it for today.
Baby steps.
S, 🌻
Quick Links To The Blogs In This Series Living Successfully With BPD & HPD:
Borderline Personality Disorder
Forget Everything I’ve Said – I’ve Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Introduction to Symptoms & Causes
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Strong Opinions & Identity Crisis
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Not PTSD – It’s Emotions – Borderline Style
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Empathic Abilities & Intentional Interventions
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Overlapping Symptoms & What Type Of & How BPD Am I?
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Starting EMDR – Creating New Pathways To Calm
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – The Pros and Cons of Medical THC & CBD
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Gratitude For A Wild & Crazy Life
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Behind My Mona Lisa Smile – What BPD Feels Like For Me
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – The Hulk Uses Dialectical Behaviour Therapy
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Coping With The Inner Critic
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Unstable & Fragile Identities
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Highlights Of DBT’s Emotional Regulation Skills
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Highlights Of DBT’s Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills
Living With Borderline Personally Disorder – DBT – Skills Thermometer – A DBT Skills Anchor Chart
Histrionic Personality Disorder
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Introduction & Symptoms & Diagnostic Criteria
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Shallow, Changeable Emotions
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Assumed Intimacy With Others
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Hypersensitivity To Criticism
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Manipulative Behaviour
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Sexually Provocative Behaviour
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – A Compulsive Desire For Attention
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Preoccupation With Appearance
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Suggestible & Easily Influenced
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