Introduction To My Blog Series: Living Successfully With Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder
I was 27 years old when I entered into the realization that there was something wrong with me and one of the original diagnosis was Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD.
I say something wrong with me because I was just not able to manage my life on my own and somehow knew there was something wrong with my mind.
Back then, not a lot was known about this horribly stigmatized disorder because BPD patients were considered impossible to treat or wrongly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.
Along with BPD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) and Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (DDNOS) were also added to my diagnostic mix.
ADHD was quickly debunked and over the past two decades most professionals leaned towards my having PTSD or a Dissociative Disorder – but something about these disorders never seemed to fit.
Add menopause to the mix and the confusion became even more confusing.
Anxiety
Here are past blogs I’ve written about my struggles with anxiety and what felt like PTSD or DDNOS:
- Managing Anxiety -The Space of No Mind
- Managing Anxiety and the Mind of Choice
- Anxiety – The Antithesis of Personal Connection
- Anxiety & Cannabidiol (CBD) & Exercise
- Trauma, Flashbacks and Dissociative Disorders
- AM I: In a Panic Attack or Trauma Response or Dissociation or Menopause? How Do I Tell The Difference?
My Struggles With Alcoholism
- Mystic Order – Reiki Level IIIA – 21 Day Cleanse – A Miracle Has Happened
- Spiritual Discipline – My Alcohol Addiction – My Story Now
- Personal Development – Cutting the Ties That Bind – Saying Goodbye to Alcohol
- Is Too Much a Choice or Addiction?
- Personal Development – A Wild Woman’s Journey With Drinking and Hedonism While Walking the Spiritual Path
- Personal Development – A Wild Woman’s Slow Transformation Towards Her Best Self
- Reiki Principle For Today – I Will Not Worry
- OYNB – One Year No Beer – This Wild Woman’s Successful Journey of the 28 Day Challenge and Beyond!
- Personal Development – A Wild Woman Walking the Spiritual Path – A Wild Woman Redefined? Absolutely!
- Personal Development – Living Alcohol Free – Musings During Day 78
- Reiki Principle For Today – I Will Do My Work Honestly
- Personal Development – Living An Alcohol Free Life – Year One
- Another Layer
- 365 Days of Sobriety: My Journey and Triggers
- I’m No Longer Ashamed Of Being An Alcoholic
- A Bountiful Bevy Of Sagacious Skills
- A Life Of Sobriety Allows Me Deeper Connection With Family & Friends
- From Domes To Sunflowers – Dogs & Sobriety – While Becoming A Better Self
- The Man Who Reminds Me I Cannot Have Just One Drink
- This Joyful Alcoholic Has Lost Interest In Bar Hopping & Any Type Of Partying
- The Consequences Of Drinking And Driving
- My Favourite People To Be Around
- Proper Mental Health Diagnoses. Feeling Safe. Accepting I Am An Alcoholic.
- Overthinking & The Joys Of Living My Twenty-Four Hour AA Program
- Accepting I Am An Alcoholic
- From Anxiety To Sobriety: My Life Journey From 52 – 56
Present Day
On February 9th, 2022, I had a thorough psychological assessment by a seasoned psychiatrist. At long last, at 52 years old, I was finally properly diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder.
This blog series called Owning and Unraveling Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder is my way of processing and understanding these complex personality disorders and how they manifest, interfere with and enhance my life.
Perhaps, as it has been said to me from friends who have family members with Borderline Personality Disorder, I can help dispel misconceptions and stigmas associated with these mental illnesses.
And hopefully I can shed some light and more personal information on what living with Histrionic Personality Disorder is like as I review each symptom and diagnostic criteria and how they show up (past or present) in my life.
With hope,
Stephanie, 🩵🌻
An Unclear & Unstable Self-Concept
Those with BPD struggle with having an unclear and unstable self-concept – meaning to be aware of and have a collection of beliefs – morals and values – about ourselves and how we see ourselves in the world.
Therefore, if I do not know what I believe in, what my moral/value compass is, and pursue a life worth living, how can I possibly see myself in it.
Living with BPD sometimes feels like being a disconnected empty shell on constant survival mode rather than a grounded, self-aware person who is comfortable in their own skin because they align their actions to their values.
What Are My Values?
As a result of my story up until now, identifying my values and following them to consciously live a life worth living wasn’t always easy. I have been more in the disconnected empty shell on survival mode version of myself rather than the comfortable in my own skin, grounded woman who consistently aligns her actions to her values.
Basically, I’m a people pleaser through and through.
But, there is hope!
I am currently participating in a 13 Week Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) group.
Below is a Values and Priorities List from DBT’s Emotional Regulation teachings.
Values and Priorities List
This is a list of values (with specific examples to then choose and prioritize), to help me make a life worth living:
- Attend to relationships
- repair old relationships
- reach out for new relationships
- work on current relationships
- end destructive relationship
- Be part of a group
- have close and satisfying relationships with others
- feel a sense of belonging
- receive affection and love
- have and keep close friends
- have a family – stay close to and spend time with family members
- have people to do things with
- Be powerful and able to influence others
- have the authority to approve or disapprove of what people do, or to control how resources are used
- be a leader
- make a great deal of money
- be respected by others
- be seen by others as successful; become well known; obtain recognition and status
- compete successfully with others
- be popular and accepted
- Achieve things in life
- achieve significant goals; be involved in undertakings I believe are significant
- be productive
- work towards goals; work hard
- be ambitious
- Live a life of pleasure and satisfaction
- have a good time
- seek fun and things that give pleasure
- have free time
- enjoy the work I do
- Keep life full of exciting events, relationships and things
- try new and different things
- be daring and seek adventures
- have an exciting life
- Behave respectfully
- be humble and modest; do not draw attention to myself
- follow traditions and customs; behave properly
- do what I am told and follow rules
- treat others well
- Be self-directed
- follow my own path in life
- be innovative, think of new ideas and be creative
- make my own decisions and be free
- be independent; take care of myself and those I am responsible for
- have freedom of thought and action; be able to act in terms of my own priorities
- Be a spiritual person
- make room in my life for spirituality; live life according to spiritual principles
- practice a faith or religion
- grow in understanding of myself, my personal calling and life’s real purpose
- discern and do the will of God (or Higher Power) and find lasting meaning in life
- Be secure
- live in secure and safe surroundings
- be physically healthy and fit
- have a steady income that meets my own needs and my family’s basic needs
- Recognize the universal good of all things
- be fair, treat people equally, and provide equal opportunities
- understand different people; be open minded
- care for nature and the environment
- Contribute to a larger community
- help people and those in need; care for others’ well-being; improve society
- be loyal to friends and devoted to close people; be committed to a group that shares my beliefs, values and ethical principles
- be committed to a cause or to a group that has a larger purpose beyond my own
- make sacrifices for others
- Work at self-development
- develop a personal philosophy of life
- learn and do challenging things that help me grow and mature as a human being
- Have integrity
- be honest, and acknowledge and stand up for my personal beliefs
- be a responsible person; keep my word to others
- be courageous in facing and living life
- be a person who pays debts to others and repairs damage I have caused
- be accepting of myself, others and life as it is; live without resentment
You can read more about DBT’s Emotional Regulation on my blog: Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Highlights Of DBT’s Emotional Regulation Skills
Self-Validation Is A Problem For Me
The DBT group is currently on the last chapter – Interpersonal Effectiveness.
Within this chapter, there is a guideline for being effective on keeping my self-respect in any interpersonal interaction.
To do this, I have to be able to validate myself – my own feelings and wishes.
I suddenly realized self-validation is a problem for me as I constantly look outside of myself for it.
How do I teach myself to validate myself and believe my positive self-talk?
Today, during a relaxing swim in the beautiful lake along our front yard, the answer came to me:
I have to align my actions to my values – this way I can validate myself – my feelings and wishes – because I am living a life of integrity – to the best of my ability.
When I live my life in accordance to my own values, I can validate my actions as proof I am being my true authentic self and not sell out my values or integrity for reasons that are NOT IMPORTANT.
This, to me, seems to be the opposite action (a DBT term) of people pleasing!
Amen to that!
Now, I have to spend some time revisiting my values so I can better step into a Self-Respecting, Non-People Pleasing Stephanie!
S, 🌻
Quick Links To The Blogs In This Series Living Successfully With BPD & HPD:
Borderline Personality Disorder
Forget Everything I’ve Said – I’ve Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Introduction to Symptoms & Causes
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Strong Opinions & Identity Crisis
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Not PTSD – It’s Emotions – Borderline Style
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Empathic Abilities & Intentional Interventions
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Overlapping Symptoms & What Type Of & How BPD Am I?
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Starting EMDR – Creating New Pathways To Calm
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – The Pros and Cons of Medical THC & CBD
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Gratitude For A Wild & Crazy Life
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Behind My Mona Lisa Smile – What BPD Feels Like For Me
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – The Hulk Uses Dialectical Behaviour Therapy
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Coping With The Inner Critic
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Unstable & Fragile Identities
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Highlights Of DBT’s Emotional Regulation Skills
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Highlights Of DBT’s Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills
Living With Borderline Personally Disorder – DBT – Skills Thermometer – A DBT Skills Anchor Chart
Histrionic Personality Disorder
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Introduction & Symptoms & Diagnostic Criteria
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Shallow, Changeable Emotions
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Assumed Intimacy With Others
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Hypersensitivity To Criticism
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Manipulative Behaviour
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Sexually Provocative Behaviour
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – A Compulsive Desire For Attention
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Preoccupation With Appearance
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Suggestible & Easily Influenced
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