Originally published: March 17th, 2021

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Cognitive Distortions

I’ve had enough personal experience in therapy to be well aware of the types of cognitive distortions usually described with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

This blog isn’t about CBT.

I’m referring to CBT as a means to identify types of cognitive distortions or thinking patterns that will negatively effect a relationship.

Negative thoughts = negative energy.

According to PsychCentral, there are 15 Common Cognitive Distortions:

1. Filtering
2. Polarized Thinking (or “Black and White” Thinking)
3. Overgeneralization
4. Jumping to Conclusions
5. Catastrophizing
6. Personalization
7. Control Fallacies
8. Fallacy of Fairness
9. Blaming
10. Shoulds
11. Emotional Reasoning
12. Fallacy of Change
13. Global Labeling
14. Always Being Right
15. Heaven’s Reward Fallacy

I gotta say, in all my years participating in therapy, “Heaven’s Reward Fallacy” is new to me on a list of Cognitive Distortions.

I’m quite happy to see this on the list.

It’s been my experience how religion and guilt go hand-in-hand, as PsychCentral’s definition suggests:

“…the false belief that a person’s sacrifice and self-denial will eventually pay off, as if some global force is keeping score.”

God is watching you.

You better behave.

In my spiritual world, a supernatural, loving force is the opposite of judgement and keeping score.

Negative Intent vs Positive Intent

I first heard this term in 2016 spoken by a coworker before she walked into a staff meeting.

She mentioned in passing about switching her attitude from negative to positive intent, therefore changing the way she will experience the meeting.

If you’re called down to the principal’s office – what is your first reaction?

Negative intent or positive intent?

I bet you think you’re gonna get in trouble.

I work in public education.

When I am called to the office, either over the PA system or phone call to the classroom, my immediate reaction is, “Uh oh, what did I do now? “

I consciously have to shift my intent on the purpose of my going to the office to a curious intent.

Lenses of Positive Intent

Wearing lenses of cognitive distortions or negative intent is a waste of valuable energy and opposite to having faith all will be well.

I still struggle with these lenses.

However, mindfulness and exercise all while living an overall healthy lifestyle helps to build my self-confidence, bringing me out of my head and into my heart.

Positive thoughts = positive energy.

S, 🌻

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55 Rules For Love

Introduction Of My Blog Series On The “55 Rules For Love”

55 Rules For Love – Rule #1 – When It Arrives, Cherish It

55 Rules For Love – Rule #2 – Whatever You Accept, You Will Get

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 3 – Understand That Love Is A Mirror – It Will Show Us Who We Are If We Allow It To

55 Rules For Love – Rule #4 – Only We Can Make Ourselves Happy, It Is Not The Other Person’s Responsibility

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 5 – Don’t Say Words With The Intent To Hurt

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 6 – Accept And Forgive Easily

55 Rules For Love – Rule #7 – Don’t Be Scared To Disagree, It Is Healthy

55 Rules For Love – Rule #8 – Never Be Too Busy For Each Other

55 Rules For Love – Rule #9 – Do Not Punish

55 Rules For Love – Rule #10 – Accept Honest Criticism, It Is Good For Us

55 Rules For Love – Rule #11 – Admit When You Are Wrong, Quickly

55 Rules For Love – Rule #12 – Support Each Other When The Going Gets Tough

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 13 – Live In The Moment – Be Present

55 Rules For Love – Rule #14 – Leave The Past Where It Belongs

55 Rules For Love – Rule #15 – Leave Drama Out Of It

55 Rules For Love – Rule #16 – Don’t Try To Control

55 Rules For Love – Rule #17 – Allow A Small Amount of Jealousy

55 Rules For Love – Rule #18 – Don’t Use Comparisons

55 Rules For Love – Rule #19 – Celebrate Differences

55 Rules For Love – Rule #20 – Communicate Openly and Honestly

55 Rules For Love – Rule #21 – Listen Very Carefully

55 Rules For Love – Rule #22 – Don’t Judge

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 23 – Don’t Manipulate To Get Results

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 24 – Learn and Grow

55 Rules For Love – Rule #25 – Don’t Try To Change Each Other

55 Rules For Love – Rule #26 – Don’t Condemn Each Other’s Family and Friends

55 Rules For Love – Rule #27 – Lines, Flaws and Imperfections are Beautiful

55 Rules For Love – Rule #28 – Trust Your Instincts, But Don’t Be Paranoid

55 Rules For Love – Rule #29 – Don’t Compromise Your Morals And Values And Don’t Expect Them To Either

55 Rules For Love – Rule #30 – Instead of Power, Aim For Balance

55 Rules for Love – Rule #31 – Space Is Needed To Breathe And To Grow

55 Rules for Love – Rule #32 – Accept That You Are Both Unique – Never Compare

55 Rules For Love – Rule #33 – Have Fun, Laugh and Play – A Lot

55 Rules For Love – Rule #34 – Be Each Other’s Best Friend

55 Rules For Love – Rule #35 – Don’t Play Mind Games

55 Rules For Love – Rule #36 – Do Not Carelessly Throw Away Love

55 Rules For Love – Rule #37 – Don’t Waste Energy With Negative Thoughts

55 Rules For Love – Rule #38 – Compliment Often

55 Rules For Love – Rule #39 – Discover Each Other

55 Rules For Love – Rule #40 – Be Attentive And Understand What’s Not Said

55 Rules For Love – Rule #41 – Do At Least One Romantic And Thoughtful Thing Every Day

55 Rules For Love – Rule #42 – Take Picnics And Sleep Under The Stars

55 Rules For Love – Rule #43 – Don’t Just Speak About It, Show Love

55 Rules For Love – Rule #44 – Walk Together, Cook Together, Bathe Together, Read Together

55 Rules For Love – Rule #45 – Do Not Be Afraid, Love Requires Surrender

55 Rules For Love – Rule #46 – Be Loyal And Faithful

55 Rules For Love – Rule #47 – Trust

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 48 – Be Grateful

55 Rules For Love – Rule #49 – Fluidity Is Good, Accept Change

55 Rules For Love – Rule #50 – Don’t Sleep On A Fight

55 Rules For Love – Rule #51 – Don’t Cling To It, Know When To Let Go

55 Rules For Love – Rule #52 – Discover What Turns You Both On And Explore It

55 Rules For Love – Rule #52 – Make Love, But Also F*ck (Regularly)

55 Rules For Love – Rule #54 – Give And Receive Without Measure

55 Rules For Love – Rule #55 – Never Gamble With What You Can’t Afford To Lose

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