What’s one thing you know now that would have saved your younger self a lot of pain?
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I remember, when I was younger, reaching out to whoever would listen and saying that there was something wrong with me and that I needed help.
The something wrong was the way my brain worked, and how I struggled to live in the world.
Therapy never seemed to help. I tried every type that was popular back in the 90s, such as Transactional Analysis (TA), psychoanalysis and dream analysis, and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).
I wish my younger self was then properly diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder, instead of taking 25 years to do so.
I wish my younger self had spent many months in a Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) treatment centre focusing on the four components of this skills-based treatment:
- Mindfulness
- Emotional Regulation
- Distress Tolerance
- Interpersonal Effectiveness
I was a sponge back then, eager to learn about myself and naturally drawn to mindfulness, and I would have thrived in the sessions.
S, 🌻
Introduction To My Blog Series: Living Successfully With Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder
I was 27 years old when I truly realized that there was something wrong with me.
I say something wrong with me because I was not able to manage life on my own.
I had a deep knowing of somehow there was something wrong with my mind.
One of my original diagnosis was Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
However, not a lot was known about this horribly stigmatized disorder.
BPD patients were considered impossible to treat or wrongly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.
For me, as my mental health practitioners changed, BPD was quickly (and incorrectly) taken off the table.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) and Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (DDNOS) became my diagnostic mix.
ADHD was quickly debunked because I did not have symptoms in childhood, plus its medication wasn’t effective.
Most professionals leaned towards my having PTSD or a Dissociative Disorder – but something about these disorders never seemed to fit.
Add menopause to the mix and the confusion became even more confusing.
Anxiety
Here are past blogs I’ve written about my struggles with anxiety and what felt like PTSD or DDNOS:
- Managing Anxiety -The Space of No Mind
- Managing Anxiety and the Mind of Choice
- Anxiety – The Antithesis of Personal Connection
- Anxiety & Cannabidiol (CBD) & Exercise
- Trauma, Flashbacks and Dissociative Disorders
- AM I: In a Panic Attack or Trauma Response or Dissociation or Menopause? How Do I Tell The Difference?
My Struggles With Alcoholism
2018
- Mystic Order – Reiki Level 3A – 21 Day Cleanse – My Alcoholism Is Gone
- Spiritual Discipline – My Alcohol Addiction – My Story Now
- Personal Development – Still Alcohol Free
2019
- Is Too Much a Choice or Addiction?
- Personal Development – After 10 Months – This Wild Woman Is Drinking Again
- Reiki Principle For Today – I Will Not Worry
- Personal Development – This Wild Woman Still Struggles With Alcohol
2020
- One Year No Beer – 28-Day Alcohol Free Challenge
- Personal Development – A Wild Woman Redefined? Absolutely!
- Personal Development – Living Alcohol Free – Day 78
2021
2023
2024
2025
- Overthinking & The Joys Of Living My Twenty-Four Hour AA Program
- From Anxiety To Sobriety: My Life Journey From 52 – 56
- The Distinct Languages of AA, DBT & CPT
- Am I Willing To Trust In God?
2026
Present Day
On February 9th, 2022, I had a long-overdue thorough psychological assessment by a seasoned psychiatrist.
At long last, at 52 years old, I was finally properly diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder.
This blog series called Owning and Unraveling Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder is my way of processing and understanding these complex personality disorders and how they manifest, interfere with and enhance my life.
Perhaps, as it has been said to me from friends who have family members with Borderline Personality Disorder, I can help dispel misconceptions and stigmas associated with these mental illnesses.
And hopefully I can shed some light and more personal information on what living with Histrionic Personality Disorder is like as I review each symptom and diagnostic criteria and how they show up (past or present) in my life.
With hope,
Stephanie, 🩵🌻
Imagine all that time knowing something was different about you but no medical professional could diagnose it right!! I am so sorry you had to go through the confusion… But here you are writing about it and sharing your knowledge about it fearlessly. Bravo to that!! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 The world needs to hear your story!. Bring it on!
Thank you for sharing. I recently finished Partial Outpatient after years of fighting TRD (Treatment Resistant Depression) finding that the diagnosis is really just a means of the possibility of needing a different class of medication, so we are giving it a go. After 5 weeks in and moving to Intensive outpatient I am doing a little better. More hopeful, but still scared on the medication and the roller-coasters it may cause. Mental Health is hard but we are never alone.