Originally Published: December 30th, 2020
2020
2020 was the year of COVID.
2020 was also the year Michael and I spent 8 of those 12 months apart.
Either I was on the East Coast of Canada while he was on the West Coast; or I was on the West Coast of Canada while he was on the East Coast.
I struggled the entire time Michael and I were apart in 2020.
Michael struggled with my struggle of being apart.
His struggles, his inability to understand my abandonment fears, increased my fears.
It was a messy year.
2022 – Borderline Personality Disorder & Attachment Struggles
It wasn’t until February 9th, of 2022, when I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) & Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD), that my struggles of our time apart in 2020 made sense – because my hallmark, pervading BPD symptom is abandonment.
The More You Tighten Your Grip
“The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.” – Princess Leia, Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope
This quote reflects the idea how trying to control people, situations, or outcomes too tightly often causes the opposite effect, leading to loss, frustration, or unintended consequence.
When I am am acting out of fear, trying to cling, control or hang onto Michael – this will have the opposite effect – pushing him away.
That is why space is needed, to breathe and grow.
Space represents trust.
To open a window.
Set love free.
S, ♥️
55 Rules For Love
Introduction Of My Blog Series On The “55 Rules For Love”
55 Rules For Love – Rule #1 – When It Arrives, Cherish It
55 Rules For Love – Rule #2 – Whatever You Accept, You Will Get
55 Rules For Love – Rule # 5 – Don’t Say Words With The Intent To Hurt
55 Rules For Love – Rule # 6 – Accept And Forgive Easily
55 Rules For Love – Rule #7 – Don’t Be Scared To Disagree, It Is Healthy
55 Rules For Love – Rule #8 – Never Be Too Busy For Each Other
55 Rules For Love – Rule #9 – Do Not Punish
55 Rules For Love – Rule #10 – Accept Honest Criticism, It Is Good For Us
55 Rules For Love – Rule #11 – Admit When You Are Wrong, Quickly
55 Rules For Love – Rule #12 – Support Each Other When The Going Gets Tough
55 Rules For Love – Rule # 13 – Live In The Moment – Be Present
55 Rules For Love – Rule #14 – Leave The Past Where It Belongs
55 Rules For Love – Rule #15 – Leave Drama Out Of It
55 Rules For Love – Rule #16 – Don’t Try To Control
55 Rules For Love – Rule #17 – Allow A Small Amount of Jealousy
55 Rules For Love – Rule #18 – Don’t Use Comparisons
55 Rules For Love – Rule #19 – Celebrate Differences
55 Rules For Love – Rule #20 – Communicate Openly and Honestly
55 Rules For Love – Rule #21 – Listen Very Carefully
55 Rules For Love – Rule #22 – Don’t Judge
55 Rules For Love – Rule # 23 – Don’t Manipulate To Get Results
55 Rules For Love – Rule # 24 – Learn and Grow
55 Rules For Love – Rule #25 – Don’t Try To Change Each Other
55 Rules For Love – Rule #26 – Don’t Condemn Each Other’s Family and Friends
55 Rules For Love – Rule #27 – Lines, Flaws and Imperfections are Beautiful
55 Rules For Love – Rule #28 – Trust Your Instincts, But Don’t Be Paranoid
55 Rules For Love – Rule #30 – Instead of Power, Aim For Balance
55 Rules for Love – Rule #31 – Space Is Needed To Breathe And To Grow
55 Rules for Love – Rule #32 – Accept That You Are Both Unique – Never Compare
55 Rules For Love – Rule #33 – Have Fun, Laugh and Play – A Lot
55 Rules For Love – Rule #34 – Be Each Other’s Best Friend
55 Rules For Love – Rule #35 – Don’t Play Mind Games
55 Rules For Love – Rule #36 – Do Not Carelessly Throw Away Love
55 Rules For Love – Rule #37 – Don’t Waste Energy With Negative Thoughts
55 Rules For Love – Rule #38 – Compliment Often
55 Rules For Love – Rule #39 – Discover Each Other
55 Rules For Love – Rule #40 – Be Attentive And Understand What’s Not Said
55 Rules For Love – Rule #41 – Do At Least One Romantic And Thoughtful Thing Every Day
55 Rules For Love – Rule #42 – Take Picnics And Sleep Under The Stars
55 Rules For Love – Rule #43 – Don’t Just Speak About It, Show Love
55 Rules For Love – Rule #44 – Walk Together, Cook Together, Bathe Together, Read Together
55 Rules For Love – Rule #45 – Do Not Be Afraid, Love Requires Surrender
55 Rules For Love – Rule #46 – Be Loyal And Faithful
55 Rules For Love – Rule #47 – Trust
55 Rules For Love – Rule # 48 – Be Grateful
55 Rules For Love – Rule #49 – Fluidity Is Good, Accept Change
55 Rules For Love – Rule #50 – Don’t Sleep On A Fight
55 Rules For Love – Rule #51 – Don’t Cling To It, Know When To Let Go
55 Rules For Love – Rule #52 – Discover What Turns You Both On And Explore It
55 Rules For Love – Rule #53 – Make Love, But Also F*ck (Regularly)
55 Rules For Love – Rule #54 – Give And Receive Without Measure
55 Rules For Love – Rule #55 – Never Gamble With What You Can’t Afford To Lose
This is a good plan to get through this challenging time. Walking on my own is a great way to escape our lockdown. ..
COVID hasn’t been easy for couples who live busy lives, then have to stay put in a lockdown. It’s been a tough year…. here’s to a much better 2021!
Yes. Goodbye 2020 and Hello to 2021.
🎉🎉🎉
Great advice Stephanie, Happy New Year! Maggie
Thank you, Maggie!!!!! Happy New Year to you, too!! 🎉🎉🎉
Very good advice indeed and I love the quote at the end, it is so true. Trusting and being comfortable and secure in your partner’s love is so important in being able to give each other space. Thank you for sharing such a lovely and thoughtful post 🙂
On a much more frivolous note I have nominated you for the 10 Day Travel Photo Challenge! – http://mydustyflipflops.com/2021/01/05/10-day-travel-photo-challenge-day-5/
It’s just a bit of fun, so as always, no pressure to take part if you don’t want to 🙂
FUN! I LOVE THIS! Thank you! I wanted to blog this morning – but motivation was low – not sure what to write about. This is it. 🌻🌻🌻
Aaah that’s brilliant!! My pleasure 🙂 I’m glad it’s given the motivation you needed! I’ve really enjoyed doing it, so I hope you do as well!
I’m loving it! It’s hard to pick pictures. I’m looking for unique pictures, pictures that connect to a fun memory! So many….. 🤪🥳
Thank you for your wonderful feedback about my blog. 🌻🙏🏻💛🤗
All my pleasure indeed!