Introduction To My Blog Series: Living Successfully With Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder
I was 27 years old when I entered into the realization that there was something wrong with me and one of the original diagnosis was Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD.
I say something wrong with me because I was just not able to manage my life on my own and somehow knew there was something wrong with my mind.
Back then, not a lot was known about this horribly stigmatized disorder because BPD patients were considered impossible to treat or wrongly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.
Along with BPD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) and Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (DDNOS) were also added to my diagnostic mix.
ADHD was quickly debunked and over the past two decades most professionals leaned towards my having PTSD or a Dissociative Disorder – but something about these disorders never seemed to fit.
Add menopause to the mix and the confusion became even more confusing.
Anxiety
Here are past blogs I’ve written about my struggles with anxiety and what felt like PTSD or DDNOS:
- Managing Anxiety -The Space of No Mind
- Managing Anxiety and the Mind of Choice
- Anxiety – The Antithesis of Personal Connection
- Anxiety & Cannabidiol (CBD) & Exercise
- Trauma, Flashbacks and Dissociative Disorders
- AM I: In a Panic Attack or Trauma Response or Dissociation or Menopause? How Do I Tell The Difference?
My Struggles With Alcoholism
- Mystic Order – Reiki Level IIIA – 21 Day Cleanse – A Miracle Has Happened
- Spiritual Discipline – My Alcohol Addiction – My Story Now
- Personal Development – Cutting the Ties That Bind – Saying Goodbye to Alcohol
- Is Too Much a Choice or Addiction?
- Personal Development – A Wild Woman’s Journey With Drinking and Hedonism While Walking the Spiritual Path
- Personal Development – A Wild Woman’s Slow Transformation Towards Her Best Self
- Reiki Principle For Today – I Will Not Worry
- OYNB – One Year No Beer – This Wild Woman’s Successful Journey of the 28 Day Challenge and Beyond!
- Personal Development – A Wild Woman Walking the Spiritual Path – A Wild Woman Redefined? Absolutely!
- Personal Development – Living Alcohol Free – Musings During Day 78
- Reiki Principle For Today – I Will Do My Work Honestly
- Personal Development – Living An Alcohol Free Life – Year One
- Another Layer
- 365 Days of Sobriety: My Journey and Triggers
- I’m No Longer Ashamed Of Being An Alcoholic
- A Bountiful Bevy Of Sagacious Skills
- A Life Of Sobriety Allows Me Deeper Connection With Family & Friends
- From Domes To Sunflowers – Dogs & Sobriety – While Becoming A Better Self
- The Man Who Reminds Me I Cannot Have Just One Drink
- This Joyful Alcoholic Has Lost Interest In Bar Hopping & Any Type Of Partying
- The Consequences Of Drinking And Driving
- My Favourite People To Be Around
- Proper Mental Health Diagnoses. Feeling Safe. Accepting I Am An Alcoholic.
- Overthinking & The Joys Of Living My Twenty-Four Hour AA Program
- Accepting I Am An Alcoholic
- From Anxiety To Sobriety: My Life Journey From 52 – 56
Present Day
On February 9th, 2022, I had a thorough psychological assessment by a seasoned psychiatrist. At long last, at 52 years old, I was finally properly diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder.
This blog series called Owning and Unraveling Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder is my way of processing and understanding these complex personality disorders and how they manifest, interfere with and enhance my life.
Perhaps, as it has been said to me from friends who have family members with Borderline Personality Disorder, I can help dispel misconceptions and stigmas associated with these mental illnesses.
And hopefully I can shed some light and more personal information on what living with Histrionic Personality Disorder is like as I review each symptom and diagnostic criteria and how they show up (past or present) in my life.
With hope,
Stephanie, 🩵🌻
13 Week Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Group
This year I was on a long waiting list to attend a Zoom 13 Week Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) Group through Community Mental Health and Addictions (CMHA), a Nova Scotia public mental health service.
DBT was created by American psychologist Marsha Lineman, who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
Since my BPD diagnosis in 2022 I have researched and dabbled in DBT hoping it would be helpful.
Yet, I found myself overwhelmed with the extensive content of the therapy and the unlimited DBT information available on the internet.
To describe DBT as a comprehensive therapy is an understatement.
Effective, yes.
A lot of work, yes.
To be worked with and supported by a skilled therapist, absolutely.
Thankfully, after a long wait, I am currently participating in the Zoom 13 Week DBT Group, facilitated by a social worker and psychologist with CMHA.
Is 13 weeks enough?
Yes and no.
Yes, to have this opportunity.
No, because the number of specific skills taught within each section along with the in-depth weekly homework is intense!
DBT is broken down into 4 sections:
- Mindfulness
- Distress Tolerance
- Emotional Regulation
- Interpersonal Effectiveness
This DBT group is not talk therapy.
It teaches life skills.
A sorta highly advanced version of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.
The detailed homework assigned each week allows group members to apply the skills taught to our specific BPD issues. We discuss the homework at the next group, but not in-depth. Any personal issues are directed to be discussed with our individual therapists.
According to DBT, the goals of skills training is to learn how to change your own behaviours, emotions, and thoughts that are linked to problems in living and are causing misery and distress.
One of the facilitators mentioned that DBT needs to be studied as it is taught, and I agree.
Therefore, to help me process I am going to blog about the skills taught in this group.
As mentioned, DBT is content heavy, so this blog will focus on Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills.
I am outlining the basic DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills taught to us.
I certainly won’t remember all these skills, but I can come back to this blog to refresh my memory instead of getting overwhelmed when I read through the group’s DBT skills booklet.
Honestly between working the 12 Steps for my alcoholism and learning these comprehensive DBT skills for my BPD, my brain feels a bit numb. Overwhelmed with so many recovery tools.
As well, based on my own research, I realize how much DBT information is found throughout the Internet.
Perhaps this blog might be helpful for someone who sorta thinks like me.
S, 🌻
Outline – 13 Week Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Skills
Mindfulness & Distress Tolerance Skills
Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills
DBT – Skills Thermometer – A DBT Skills Anchor Chart
DBT & Emotional Regulation Skills
Goals of Emotional Regulation:
- Understand and name my own emotions
- Identify (Observe and describe my emotions
- Know what emotions do for you
- Decrease the frequency of unwanted emotions
- Stop unwanted emotions from starting in the first place
- Change unwanted emotions once they start
- Decrease emotional vulnerability
- Describe vulnerability to emotion mind
- Increase resilience, my ability to cope with difficult things and positive emotions
- Decrease emotional suffering
- Reduce suffering when I’m overcome with painful emotions
- Manage extreme emotions so I do not make things worse
Understanding and Naming Emotions:
- What emotions do for me
- There are reasons why I have emotions – I need them
- Emotions motivate (and organize) us for action
- Emotions communicate to (and influence) others
- Emotions communicate to ourselves
- Factors that make regulating emotions hard
- Lack of skills
- Reinforcing consequences
- Moodiness
- Rumination/worrying
- Myths about emotions
- Biology can interfere with changing emotions
- A model for describing emotions
- Emotions are complex responses
- Changing any part of the system can change the entire response
- Ways to describe emotions
- Learning to observe, describe, and name my emotion can help me regulate them
Core Emotional Regulation Skills:
- Check the Facts
- Check out whether my emotional reactions fit the facts of the situation
- Do my emotions fit the facts
- Changing my beliefs and assumptions to fit the facts can help me change my emotional reactions to situations
- Opposite Action
- When my emotions do not fit the facts
- Or when acting on my emotions is not effective –
- Acting opposite (all the way) will change my emotional reactions
- Problem Solving
- When the facts themselves are the problem –
- Solving the problem will reduce the frequency of negative emotions
- Reducing Vulnerability to Emotion Mind – Building a Life Worth Living
- Accumulating positives
- Accumulating positive emotions: short term
- Pleasant events list
- Accumulating positive emotions: long term
- Values and priorities list
- Building the kind of life I want based on my values
- Building Mastery
- Do things that make me feel competent and effective to combat helplessness and hopelessness
- Challenge myself in small ways
- Cope Ahead
- Cope ahead of time with emotional situations
- Rehearse a plan ahead of time so that I am prepared to cope skillfully with emotional situations
- PLEASE
- Taking care of my mind by taking care of my body
- Treat PhysicaL illness
- Balance Eating
- avoid mood-Altering substances
- balance Sleep
- get Exercise
- Taking care of my mind by taking care of my body
- Accumulating positives
- SMART Goals
- A SMART goal is an action that reflects underlying value
- Specific – What I need to do
- Meaningful – Yes or no
- Actionable – Yes or no – Action is a behaviour – not an emotion
- Realistic – 80% confidence
- Time limited
- Outcome
- Better than expected
- Goal Achieved
- Made a move
- No change
- Outcome
Focused Emotional Regulation Skills
Tidbits of Helpful Information
- Caution: Sometimes I treat emotions as if they are facts about the world. The stronger the emotion, the stronger my belief that the emotion is based on fact. Example: “If I am afraid, there must be danger.”
- If I assume that my emotions represent facts about the world, I may use them to justify my thoughts and actions. This can be trouble if my emotions get me to ignore the facts.
- Emotions are my home alarm system – I have a very sensitive alarm system. Ask myself “Is this a threat or not?”
- Emotions communicate something – check the facts
- Emotions want to protect me
- Is this a real threat or not?
Check the Facts
How to Check the Facts:
- Ask – What is the emotion I want to change?
- Use Ways to Describe Emotions sheets to identify what emotion to change
- Ways to Describe Emotions Sheets listed below
- Ask – What is the event prompting my emotion?
- Describe facts observed through my senses
- Challenge judgements, absolutes and all or nothing thinking
- Ask – What are my interpretations, thoughts and assumptions about the event?
- Think of other possibilities
- Practice looking at all sides of a situation and all points of view
- Test my interpretations and assumptions to see if they fit the facts
- Ask – Am I assuming a threat?
- Label the threat
- Assess the probability that the threatening event will really occur
- Think of as many other possible outcomes as I can
- Ask – What is the catastrophe?
- Imagine the catastrophe really occurring
- Imagine coping well with the catastrophe (through problem solving, coping ahead and radical acceptance)
- Basically – I have skills and how can I manage
- Ask – Does my emotion and/or its intensity fit the actual facts?
- Check out Emotions That Fit The Facts sheet
- Emotions That Fit The Facts sheet listed after Ways to Describe Emotions Sheets
- Ask Wise Mind
Ways To Describe Emotions
Emotions That Fit The Facts
Opposite Action
- Every emotion has an action urge
- Change the emotion by acting opposite to its action urge
- Strong emotions get in the way of things that need to be done
How To Do Opposite Action:
- Step 1 – Identify and name the emotion I want to change
- Step 2 – Check the facts to see if my emotion is justified by the facts
- Check whether the intensity and duration of the emotion fits the facts
- Example – Irritation fits the facts when my car is cut in front of; “road rage” does not
- Step 3 – Identify and describe my action urges
- Step 4 – Ask Wise Mind: Is expression or acting on this emotion effective in this situation?
- If your emotion does not fit the facts or acting on your emotion is not effective:
- Step 5 – Identify Opposite Action to my action urges using Figuring Out Opposite Actions Sheets
- Step 6 – Act Opposite All The Way to your action urges
- Step 7 – Repeat Acting Opposite to your action urges until your emotion changes
Opposite Action For Emotions
Problem Solving – When the Facts Are The Problem
How to Problem Solve When The Facts Are The Problem:
- Step 1 – Figure out and describe the problem situation
- Step 2 – Check the facts (all the facts) to be sure I have the right problem situation
- Step 3 – Identify my goal in solving the problem
- Step 4 – Brainstorm lots of solutions
- Step 5 – Choose a solution that fits the goals and is likely to work
- Step 6 – Put the solution into action
- Step 7 – Evaluate the result and if it worked, great – if not – go back to Step 5 to try a new solution
Review – Opposite Action and Problem Solving
Values and Priorities List
This is a list of values (with specific examples to then choose and prioritize), to help me make a life worth living:
- Attend to relationships
- repair old relationships
- reach out for new relationships
- work on current relationships
- end destructive relationship
- Be part of a group
- have close and satisfying relationships with others
- feel a sense of belonging
- receive affection and love
- have and keep close friends
- have a family – stay close to and spend time with family members
- have people to do things with
- Be powerful and able to influence others
- have the authority to approve or disapprove of what people do, or to control how resources are used
- be a leader
- make a great deal of money
- be respected by others
- be seen by others as successful; become well known; obtain recognition and status
- compete successfully with others
- be popular and accepted
- Achieve things in life
- achieve significant goals; be involved in undertakings I believe are significant
- be productive
- work towards goals; work hard
- be ambitious
- Live a life of pleasure and satisfaction
- have a good time
- seek fun and things that give pleasure
- have free time
- enjoy the work I do
- Keep life full of exciting events, relationships and things
- try new and different things
- be daring and seek adventures
- have an exciting life
- Behave respectfully
- be humble and modest; do not draw attention to myself
- follow traditions and customs; behave properly
- do what I am told and follow rules
- treat others well
- Be self-directed
- follow my own path in life
- be innovative, think of new ideas and be creative
- make my own decisions and be free
- be independent; take care of myself and those I am responsible for
- have freedom of thought and action; be able to act in terms of my own priorities
- Be a spiritual person
- make room in my life for spirituality; live life according to spiritual principles
- practice a faith or religion
- grow in understanding of myself, my personal calling and life’s real purpose
- discern and do the will of God (or Higher Power) and find lasting meaning in life
- Be secure
- live in secure and safe surroundings
- be physically healthy and fit
- have a steady income that meets my own needs and my family’s basic needs
- Recognize the universal good of all things
- be fair, treat people equally, and provide equal opportunities
- understand different people; be open minded
- care for nature and the environment
- Contribute to a larger community
- help people and those in need; care for others’ well-being; improve society
- be loyal to friends and devoted to close people; be committed to a group that shares my beliefs, values and ethical principles
- be committed to a cause or to a group that has a larger purpose beyond my own
- make sacrifices for others
- Work at self-development
- develop a personal philosophy of life
- learn and do challenging things that help me grow and mature as a human being
- Have integrity
- be honest, and acknowledge and stand up for my personal beliefs
- be a responsible person; keep my words to others
- be courageous in facing and living life
- be a person who pays debts to others and repairs damage I have caused
- be accepting of myself, others and life as it is; live without resentment
Cope Ahead
How To Cope Ahead:
- Describe the situation that is likely to prompt problem behaviour
- Decide what coping or problem-solving skills I want to use
- Imagine the situation in my mind
- Rehearse in my mind coping effectively
- Practice relaxation after rehearsing
Quick Links To The Blogs In This Series Living Successfully With BPD & HPD:
Borderline Personality Disorder
Forget Everything I’ve Said – I’ve Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Introduction to Symptoms & Causes
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Strong Opinions & Identity Crisis
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Not PTSD – It’s Emotions – Borderline Style
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Empathic Abilities & Intentional Interventions
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Overlapping Symptoms & What Type Of & How BPD Am I?
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Starting EMDR – Creating New Pathways To Calm
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – The Pros and Cons of Medical THC & CBD
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Gratitude For A Wild & Crazy Life
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Behind My Mona Lisa Smile – What BPD Feels Like For Me
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – The Hulk Uses Dialectical Behaviour Therapy
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Coping With The Inner Critic
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Unstable & Fragile Identities
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Highlights Of DBT’s Emotional Regulation Skills
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder – Highlights Of DBT’s Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills
Living With Borderline Personally Disorder – DBT – Skills Thermometer – A DBT Skills Anchor Chart
Histrionic Personality Disorder
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Introduction & Symptoms & Diagnostic Criteria
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Shallow, Changeable Emotions
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Assumed Intimacy With Others
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Hypersensitivity To Criticism
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Manipulative Behaviour
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Sexually Provocative Behaviour
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – A Compulsive Desire For Attention
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Preoccupation With Appearance
Living With Histrionic Personality Disorder – Suggestible & Easily Influenced
© Stephanie Wells – Joyful Stephanie – Living an Authentic Life – 2014-2026. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.
Excellent post! Emotional regulation has been something of a journey for me also. Thank you for posting these resources.
I am so happy this information is helpful.💛🌻 I, too really like this information – especially describing the emotions and what emotional response is appropriate – what emotion fits the facts. The DBT Group is almost finished. We’re on Interpersonal Effectiveness. I’m currently writing this blog as there is SO much information – good information. Especially when dealing with assertiveness and what I want the end goal to look like.