What’s something you’ve done that you never thought you could?

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Oh, gee I don’t know.

I have blindly pushed through so many situations as a result of impulsive decisions, unaware of my emotions and feelings—numb and on autopilot—that I never gave any thought to whether I could do it or not.

Yet, on another note, I will shift this Daily Prompt question from something I’ve done to something I’ve not done, yet.

Something I haven’t been able to truly manage is stop the fear-based, hurtful stories my mind perseverates on, to truly forgive both myself and others, and leave the past where it belongs—behind me.

As an alcoholic working a 12-Step Program, a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD) and trauma – who has done all the therapy – including Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) and Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) – while navigating post-menopause – the surges of old wounds and justified rage can suddenly rise up and overwhelm me.

Menopause rage amplifies my BPD rage: I forget all the good things as I hyper-focus on the pain.

In the BPD world, this is also known as “all-or-nothing” relationships – people are either good in the moment or they aren’t.

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Before my proper diagnoses of BPD and HPD in 2022, I blogged about the confusing mix of mental health and menopause:

AM I: In a Panic Attack or Trauma Response or Dissociation or Menopause? How Do I Tell The Difference?

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Currently, my job presents so many interpersonal challenges that I find myself once again struggling with my mental health, amplified by menopause.

As my ability to navigate so many people and personalities wears thin, my menopausal rage is amplifying my BPD rage.

Mindfulness and meditation help, but are not enough. DBT skills help, but are not enough.

I will revisit medication as well as consider hormone therapy.

Alcoholics Anonymous teaches that as one works the program, more will be revealed.

The same goes for my journey with BPD, HPD, trauma and menopause—as time goes on, more will be revealed, deepening my understanding of the symptoms, how they show up, and what I need to navigate them well.

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Therefore, something I’ve struggled to manage and am working to improve is stopping the fear-based, hurtful stories my mind perseverates on, to truly forgive both myself and others, and leave the past where it belongs—behind me.

S, 🌻

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