As my 56th birthday approaches, I’ve decided to repost blogs I published about past birthdays.

I wrote Turning 52 During A Pandemic: A Personal Journey on April 28th, 2021 while we were living in Upper Vaughn, Nova Scotia.

The original blog only focused on my 52nd birthday day.

I added a backstory to this blog, to include and reflect on what happened after turning 51 in British Columbia up to turning 52 in Nova Scotia.

That year from turning 51 to 52 was steeped in COVID, and of course, more challenges and change.

My takeaway from that year is that couples can get through hard times together.

Perspective is everything, while sometimes healing and forgiveness takes time.

S, 🌻

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BackStory

May – September, 2020 – Campbell River, British Columbia

A few weeks after my 51st birthday, Michael left British Columbia for Nova Scotia to help build his daughter’s new house.

I remained in Campbell River to continue on our purpose for being there – working on his house to prepare to sell it.

I was now on my own and totally overwhelmed.

Every day became an inward battle with my mental health.

I struggled with Michael being away – drowning in (what I didn’t know at the time) Borderline Personality Disorder’s abandonment fears – that he was choosing his daughter over me. This added great tension between us during this already stressful time.

In addition to this, his daughter’s marriage had tragically come undone.

I knew the right thing was for Michael to be with his daughter in Nova Scotia, yet the abandonment emotions within me were too powerful to control. I didn’t understand it.

The local hospital in Campbell River was over run with COVID. Everything was a quick fix including mental health.

The lorazepam I was taking for anxiety soon became a problem and I asked to be taken off it. With a doctor referral and prescription, I started taking CBD oil for anxiety. I was left to discover my own dosing needs and struggled to know what worked.

I had to see a heart specialist as a result of continuing heart problems. I had Premature Ventricular Contractions brought on by stress. My heart was healthy, however magnesium was prescribed.

In the meantime, I kept busy with the house, gardening, and running.

I couldn’t venture too far as COVID had restricted or shut down tourist activities and parks.

Eventually, I was able to do some kayaking and went on a few whale watching tours.

With about six months of living alcohol free under my belt, I started attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings for emotional support.

Thankfully, meetings were still in person at this time as Campbell River was slower to embrace many of the COVID protocols in place in larger cities.

I still struggled with the 12-Step fellowship and didn’t understand how the program worked. I just knew it was a place I could go to be around other people and feel emotionally supported.

It really helped.

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May, 2020 – Upper Vaughn, Nova Scotia – The Gun Incident

Back in late April, while we both were in British Columbia, the owner of the cabin we lived in in Nova Scotia (with our obligated permission) allowed someone to quarantine in it.

When Michael arrived in Nova Scotia, he moved our RV onto the construction site and stayed with his daughter while building her house.

Meanwhile, it seemed the person who had quarantined in our borrowed cabin refused to leave. The owner of this cabin eventually called Michael to tell him the scenario. Michael did not want our things in there and showed up at the cabin to handle it.

A dramatic unfolding happened as Michael and a friend arrived to do so. The man was standing in the doorway of the cabin holding a gun.

The friend Michael brought with him managed to get the man to sit and join him to have a beer on the patio furniture, and lay the gun on the table.

At the same time, Michael threw all our belongings into garbage bags and piled them onto a trailer hitched on the back of the friend’s car.

As he packed our things, Michael found his clothes in the man’s clean laundry pile, meaning the man was wearing Michael’s clothes.

It seems this man had grown quite comfortable living with and using our belongings.

Michael and his friend left with all our belongings, without the gun becoming a problem.

However, Michael and his friend phoned the police, then went to the station to file a report about the gun being pulled on Michael.

The police went to the cabin and the man with the gun barricaded himself in.

The police barged in, took him and put him in jail.

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September, 2020 – Michael Returns To British Columbia

Michael returned to British Columbia in September.

We were happy to be reunited yet still steeped in a lot of work to sell the house and the stressors that go with that.

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November 15th, 2020 – I Return To Nova Scotia

Schools in Nova Scotia reopened September 7th, 2020.

My 2019/2020 term position at Georges P. Vanier Junior High ended with that school year.

I had to reapply for my position at the start of the 2020/2021 school year and eventually landed it by November.

I flew back to Nova Scotia on November 15th.

A new cabin was offered in replace of the old one once held hostage by the man with the gun.

I arrived into a fully furnished cabin located in Falls Lake Cottages and Campgrounds.

I had two weeks of mandatory COVID quarantine to get through before I started work.

I didn’t mind – gave me time to decompress and gather my thoughts.

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December, 2020 – Nova Scotia – Michael Arrives

With the house listed with a realtor, Michael begrudgingly returned to Nova Scotia for the Christmas Holidays.

He truly wasn’t ready to leave British Columbia. He wanted to stay and be there when the house sold. But, he packed up all his belongings into a moving van and drove from Campbell River, British Columbia to Waverley, Nova Scotia.

Upon his arrival in Nova Scotia, his quarantine would bring him over the Christmas Holidays.

Therefore, he stayed at his daughter’s new house – in our RV that was parked there. We had a lot of disagreement about Michael’s quarantine because he did not follow the rules.

As well, during this time, his daughter was dealing with her marriage crises.

I do not have a single photo of Christmas, 2020.

The only thing I can remember is while driving to his daughter’s house on Christmas Day, I had to pull over as a result of an anxiety attack that paralyzed my feet and hands. I could barely drive. When I arrived at the house, I stumbled in with a panic attack and had to lie down. Michael was unable to process what was happening to me. I don’t remember anything else about that Christmas.

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January – April 2021 – Upper Vaughn, Nova Scotia

January – Life carried on as Michael, our pets and I settling into the new cabin in Falls Lake Cottages and Campgrounds.

January 9th – our cat Bob Jazeera went missing.

February, 18th – I achieved one year of living an alcohol-free life – and continued to do so. I stopped eating meat, reduced refined sugars and processed foods from my diet and lost 30lbs.

I was in my second year of running. I increased my pace to an average of 7’30” a km and started running hills on a regular basis.

I continued using the Calm app on a daily basis, listening to meditations, practicing mindfulness and falling asleep to sleep stories.

I continued taking CBD for my chronic anxiety. The journey was tricky – knowing what dosage worked for me.

March – the Falls Lake cabin we were living in was sold so we had to move back into the little cabin that was once held hostage by the man with the gun.

April 25th – My 52nd birthday.

April 29th – Bob’s body would float to the surface in Falls Lake, where he fell through the ice and drowned back in January. We took his body to the vet, confirmed it was him and had his body cremated.

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Turning 52 During The COVID Pandemic: A Personal Journey

Originally Published: April 28th, 2021

COVID Reflections – This Past Year

April 2020 – April 2021 has been steeped in the COVID pandemic.

This is a year of wearing a mask, hand washing, hand sanitizing, social distancing, seeing family via Skype, as well as a constant, underlying awareness/fear of catching the virus while not becoming completely irrational about it.

This past year also includes my working the COVID frontlines in education. Stressful in many ways, rewarding in many ways, too.

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Emotions During The Day Of My Birthday

I had such a range of emotions:

• Fear because the number of COVID cases across Nova Scotia are spreading like wildfire.
• Uncertainty – will schools close or will I have to go back to work and be exposed to so many people.
• Happiness because the weather was beautiful, warm and sunny.
• Laughter, happiness and gratitude resulting from many birthday wishes from family and friends both near and far.

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Staying The Blazes Home

I started my birthday with a 10km run that had an elevation gain of 197.07m, at a pace of 8’15”.

Not bad for my second year of running and turning 52!

I stayed in my neighbourhood – a remote area, up in a low mountain, in the woods, in the middle of Nova Scotia.

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Premier Iain Rankin and Chief Medical Officer Dr. Robert Strang Made an Appearance

With an important news brief, updating the province on the latest COVID restrictions.

Here we go, again…

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Birthday Fun – Dancing In The Dark & Staying Alive

A coworker surprised me with a fun dance video for my birthday and I returned the fun to her!

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It’s COVID. It’s My Birthday!

Michael created a catchy tune on his guitar and helped me put together lyrics to make this fun video about having your birthday during COVID.

We captured it on the second take!

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All-in-All – A Good Birthday

I had a nice Skype video chat with my parents.

Michael bought me a yummy ice cream birthday cake.

He also asked me to marry him, again. I said yes!

It’s been a few days since my actual birthday.

As I write this Nova Scotia has gone into lockdown for at least two weeks.

All schools are closed, online learning begins Thursday, April 29th.

Here we go, again!

S, 🎉

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