Originally published: March 29th, 2020

Revised & Edited: December 19th, 2024

---

Types of Comparisons

Comparisons are sure death to deepening a connection in a relationship.

There are, in my thoughts, three ways to compare in a relationship – because I have done all three:

• Comparing your marriage to another couple’s seemingly “perfect” marriage
• Comparing yourself to your spouse’s past partners
• Comparing your current partner to a past partner

---

---

Sign Of The Times – Comparisons During The COVID Pandemic

During these days of the COVID-19 pandemic, I find myself tired out for many reasons.

New challenges present themselves daily during this virus outbreak that call upon my ability to be flexible and adapt while trying to stick to my own values and beliefs.

It’s exhausting.

Therefore, comparing myself to another’s way of coping in this pandemic is killing my soul.

While these musings do not directly link to the comparisons that can happen in a relationship, I guess my underlying message is that comparisons of any kind kills one’s soul.

Comparison

Stepping into a marriage with a man who has an ex-wife, grown adult children, and a beloved partner who died from ALS had its challenges.

I fell into the death-trap of comparing myself to Michael’s beloved who died from ALS because of the healing legacy she imprinted on his daughter and all those she knew and loved.

I felt I was a total opposite type of woman from her.

I struggled with alcoholism and mental health. I was impulsive, made many mistakes, especially while drinking.

At 10 years younger than my new husband, I was at an awkward age in context of his adult children, therefore, what would my role be in my husband’s family?

This was all new ground for me and I had no clue how to navigate it.

This resulted in my comparing how I thought I should be verses who I truly was, blinding me to my own value and self-worth.

Maturity

I’ve gained some wisdom and inner-peace since those earlier years.

Stepping into my own skin and learning to feel comfortable there is one of the resulting miracles of a proper mental health diagnoses, therapy for these and working a 12-Step program for my alcoholism.

Acceptance

Comparisons of any kind, in any type of relationship is a sure fire way to destroy any meaningful connection.

Acceptance seems to be a Universal answer to stop any type of personal suffering.

Accepting the people in our lives, as they truly are – without comparison to anyone in the past, present or future – allows mature love to blossom.

Accepting ourselves as we truly are – without comparison to anyone in the past, present or future – is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves.

S, 💚

---

---

---

55 Rules For Love

Introduction Of My Blog Series On The “55 Rules For Love”

55 Rules For Love – Rule #1 – When It Arrives, Cherish It

55 Rules For Love – Rule #2 – Whatever You Accept, You Will Get

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 3 – Understand That Love Is A Mirror – It Will Show Us Who We Are If We Allow It To

55 Rules For Love – Rule #4 – Only We Can Make Ourselves Happy, It Is Not The Other Person’s Responsibility

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 5 – Don’t Say Words With The Intent To Hurt

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 6 – Accept And Forgive Easily

55 Rules For Love – Rule #7 – Don’t Be Scared To Disagree, It Is Healthy

55 Rules For Love – Rule #8 – Never Be Too Busy For Each Other

55 Rules For Love – Rule #9 – Do Not Punish

55 Rules For Love – Rule #10 – Accept Honest Criticism, It Is Good For Us

55 Rules For Love – Rule #11 – Admit When You Are Wrong, Quickly

55 Rules For Love – Rule #12 – Support Each Other When The Going Gets Tough

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 13 – Live In The Moment – Be Present

55 Rules For Love – Rule #14 – Leave The Past Where It Belongs

55 Rules For Love – Rule #15 – Leave Drama Out Of It

55 Rules For Love – Rule #16 – Don’t Try To Control

55 Rules For Love – Rule #17 – Allow A Small Amount of Jealousy

55 Rules For Love – Rule #18 – Don’t Use Comparisons

55 Rules For Love – Rule #19 – Celebrate Differences

55 Rules For Love – Rule #20 – Communicate Openly and Honestly

55 Rules For Love – Rule #21 – Listen Very Carefully

55 Rules For Love – Rule #22 – Don’t Judge

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 23 – Don’t Manipulate To Get Results

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 24 – Learn and Grow

55 Rules For Love – Rule #25 – Don’t Try To Change Each Other

55 Rules For Love – Rule #26 – Don’t Condemn Each Other’s Family and Friends

55 Rules For Love – Rule #27 – Lines, Flaws and Imperfections are Beautiful

55 Rules For Love – Rule #28 – Trust Your Instincts, But Don’t Be Paranoid

55 Rules For Love – Rule #29 – Don’t Compromise Your Morals And Values And Don’t Expect Them To Either

55 Rules For Love – Rule #30 – Instead of Power, Aim For Balance

55 Rules for Love – Rule #31 – Space Is Needed To Breathe And To Grow

55 Rules for Love – Rule #32 – Accept That You Are Both Unique – Never Compare

55 Rules For Love – Rule #33 – Have Fun, Laugh and Play – A Lot

55 Rules For Love – Rule #34 – Be Each Other’s Best Friend

55 Rules For Love – Rule #35 – Don’t Play Mind Games

55 Rules For Love – Rule #36 – Do Not Carelessly Throw Away Love

55 Rules For Love – Rule #37 – Don’t Waste Energy With Negative Thoughts

55 Rules For Love – Rule #38 – Compliment Often

55 Rules For Love – Rule #39 – Discover Each Other

55 Rules For Love – Rule #40 – Be Attentive And Understand What’s Not Said

55 Rules For Love – Rule #41 – Do At Least One Romantic And Thoughtful Thing Every Day

55 Rules For Love – Rule #42 – Take Picnics And Sleep Under The Stars

55 Rules For Love – Rule #43 – Don’t Just Speak About It, Show Love

55 Rules For Love – Rule #44 – Walk Together, Cook Together, Bathe Together, Read Together

55 Rules For Love – Rule #45 – Do Not Be Afraid, Love Requires Surrender

55 Rules For Love – Rule #46 – Be Loyal And Faithful

55 Rules For Love – Rule #47 – Trust

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 48 – Be Grateful

55 Rules For Love – Rule #49 – Fluidity Is Good, Accept Change

55 Rules For Love – Rule #50 – Don’t Sleep On A Fight

55 Rules For Love – Rule #51 – Don’t Cling To It, Know When To Let Go

55 Rules For Love – Rule #52 – Discover What Turns You Both On And Explore It

55 Rules For Love – Rule #52 – Make Love, But Also F*ck (Regularly)

55 Rules For Love – Rule #54 – Give And Receive Without Measure

55 Rules For Love – Rule #55 – Never Gamble With What You Can’t Afford To Lose

---

---