Originally Published: January 5th, 2025

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2026

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I spend more time now thinking about the past as I process and heal through trauma that has been weighing me down for decades.

This allows me the freedom to move on and have more space in my mind to be excited for future possibilities and fun.

S, 🌻

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2025

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I spend a lot of time in my head ruminating about situations where I possibly said or did something that may have upset other people.

This is an unfortunate behaviour I developed as a result of living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD).

I am highly attuned to the moods of others.

I give my power, my peace away to the moods of other people, feeling responsible for their feelings without actually knowing if I am the cause.

According to Borderline Personality for Dummies by Charles H. Elliott and Laura L. Smith,

Sometimes people with BPD appear surprisingly able to read cues from other people. They seem almost able to enter other people’s psyches and become one in the same. However, most of the time, people with BPD fail to grasp the reasons behind and the implications of what people are thinking and feeling. In other words, they know what other people are feeling, but they don’t understand why they’re feeling that way or what their feelings mean.

Borderline Personality for Dummies by Charles H. Elliott and Laura L. Smith, – Page 108-109

This entering into other people’s psyches is one of the reasons why being around others is so challenging, because I feel everything and wonder if I am responsible for it?

After a week working in a school with a population of close to 700, I am emotionally, mentally and physically drained.

I have helpful strategies for this debilitating hyper-attunement to others.

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Mindfulness is the first step.

Then checking the facts.

What are other possibilities for someone’s mood?

Also, increasing my self-confidence by creating a life worth living as I align my thoughts and action with my own values.

12-Step Program’s slogans also help:

Live and Let Live

Stick to my Side of the Street

Easy Does It (on myself)

Keep it Simple (don’t overthink & be skillful)

This to Shall Pass (my feeling responsible for another’s mood)

Let Go and Let God (whatever happens, is what will happen)

Serenity Prayer…. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I then come back to the present moment.

And breathe.

Then, start all over again. 🙈

Life is going to be easy, said no one ever.

Being in the present moment takes practice.

That is why mindfulness and meditation is called just that… a practice.

S, 🩷

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