Originally Published: September 22nd, 2023

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Two Criteria

When Michael and I repatriated to Canada from Qatar in 2019, we went property shopping. We had two specific criteria: water-frontage and the ability to own horses.

We found what seemed to be the perfect piece of land.

The developer insured us horses were allowed on the property.

So, we bought two lots from him that fit our criteria: waterfrontage and acreage for the horse.

This developer had a “bad” reputation as it was. But, my friend worked for him so I thought he would be honest with us.

Nevertheless, right from the get-go, I had a bad feeling about his “truth” to us about horses.

But, I ignored my red flags – my gut screaming at me something wasn’t right.

I eventually requested proof from him that horses were allowed on our land.

An email was sent to me from his administrative assistant with a list of rules for our Bare Land Condominium Community. I barely understood the rules as I read it, lost in so many words. Regrettably, the chronic people pleaser in me, while also feeling overwhelmed with so much to do as we repatriated back to Canada, I did nothing more. I guess I hoped all would be well with having horses, while trying to ignore the feeling that it wouldn’t be.

The Lie Revealed

As our Bare Land Condominium Community developed, so did the opinions of the people living within.

I reached out to the board of our Bare Land Condominium Community, wanting to confirm that we could have horses on our property.

I was told that horses were not allowed on our property, as promised to us by the developer.

This was a devastating loss for me.

I tried to fight this rule. I took my fight to our community’s Bare Land Condominium Annual General Meeting. I was voted down. Our community did not want us to have horses on our property.

I left the meeting in tears.

Add to this, even if community members voted in favour to have horses on our property, the municipal zoning in this area didn’t allow it.

Something Michael and I were unaware of.

We would have had to go through expensive legal steps, costing us thousands of dollars, to have our property rezoned for horses.

The level of lies the developer told us was unfathomable.

I was heartbroken.

Owning a horse on our property, my realized childhood and retirement dream, would not happen.

My heart ached. At times, my grief and rage at this betrayal felt as if I couldn’t even breathe.

I so desperately wanted to have a horse to love, who is part of our family.

My Heart Horse.

I am not sure what the Universe has in store for me.

I don’t know what the answer is.

I guess, for this moment I need to have faith that the path will reveal itself.

S, 🌻

Update – September 29th, 2025

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Bringing Horses Into My Life

It’s been two years since that heartbreak.

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Since January of 2024, I’ve been taking riding lessons at an equestrian school.

This has been an unexpected emotional roller coaster ride for me.

The women I ride with seem to emotionally detach so easily from their horses when the lesson is over.

I struggle to do so.

My betrayed inner child continues her longing to own her own horse. Her lenses sometimes overshadowing the rational adult in me.

I, the emotional adult, so desperately desires a deeper connection with the horses I ride.

That the school horses recognize and love me.

Something just not possible when so many people interact and love them.

This leaves an ache in my heart.

The riding school has a Paint x Draft horse, Tessa, who looks a lot like my dream horse represented in artwork – even having one blue eye.

I poured my heart into Tessa – forgetting she’s a school horse.

I even offered to lease – to – buy her.

My offer was not refused. It was recommended to be put back on the table in a years time to see where they were at with horses.

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I ride other horses at the barn, as every school horse has something to teach me.

Yet, I feel like I am betraying Tessa when I love the other horses I ride.

That she is somehow watching me love another horse and feels abandoned by me.

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My Dream Horse & Tessa

Tessa has one blue eye, one brown eye. Her blue eye is her right eye.

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Today’s Financial Reality

Today, our financial reality does not include owning a horse.

All money my husband and I have goes to finishing our dome home and developing the property.

Therefore, even IF we were allowed to have horses on our property, we could not afford to do so.

The dome Michael’s building is shockingly taking all our money. Even after he has sourced out all financial options; the cost of everything in Nova Scotia has increased so drastically, that any job quoted by a contractor seems like piracy.

Already a skilled and seasoned Red-Seal Electrician, if Michael hadn’t taught himself how to do almost 80% of everything else to building the dome, we could not have completed it.

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Finding Acceptance In My Equestrian Dreams

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• I have to process the ache, the grief, the pain of betrayal, lies and loss of having horses on the land we bought to do so.
• I have to stop looking for financial loopholes with our money as a way to own a horse now, when it is just not possible.
• I have to heal my disconnect, my resentment of our dome home and property because it’s taking our money; and my anger towards our community who voted down my horse dream.
• I have to be patient, and accept that my dream of owning a horse is not during the Dome Home Chapter of our lives.
• I have to let go of envy and jealousy of those who own horses at the equestrian school I attend, to those who have that connection with their horse that I so desperately crave.
• I have to find a way to enjoy my time with horses at the riding school rather than drowning in so many mixed emotions.
• I have to somehow heal an understanding that I am not betraying Tessa by loving other horses I ride; I’m one of many people at the riding school who love her, I don’t stand out or am any different from them.
• That acceptance of all of this reality is what will help me find the solutions to heal my anger, resentments, envy and jealousies.

The Future

There are many unknowns in the future.

Michael and I plan to one day sell our dome home and the waterfront acreage it sits on.

We will search for property located in a municipal zone that allows horses.

We will know what questions to ask, learning from our mistakes of trusting in a land developer.

Exhale.

Then, when the day comes to find my Heart Horse, maybe she will be Tessa, maybe not.

I’ve even had the thought that when it comes time for Tessa to retire as a school horse, a plan could be put in place to buy her and she can retire, grow old with me.

Who knows.

Whoever this horse is, my Heart Horse is out there, waiting for me…

One day we will be united.

One day our hearts will connect.

S, 🌻

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