From 52 – 53
April 25th, 2021 – April 25th, 2022
Michael and I settled into life in the little cabin we were staying in in Upper Vaughn.
Michael continued to design our house and clear our property when possible.
I was navigating the latest outbreaks of COVID while working in a junior high school.
I continued to take CBD & THC for anxiety.
June – July, 2021 – I was part of the Kayaking Team for Hants West Regional Municipality Recreational Program.
August, 2021 – As Director of Kayak Development for Canoe Kayak Nova Scotia (CKNS) – I led kayaking tours on different lakes throughout Nova Scotia.
August, 2021 – After 16 months of living alcohol free, I started drinking again – thinking I could control it and be a social drinker.
August – As a result of a a psychotic episode brought on by too much CBD & THC use, I started therapy again that also began my self-referral process to Community Mental Health and Addictions for a thorough psychiatric assessment.
August 30th, 2021 – I started an Anxiety Support Group in Windsor, Nova Scotia.
September, 2021 – Schools once again navigated COVID.
September 24th, 2021 – As a result of too much CBD & THC, I had another psychotic episode, this time an ambulance had to take me to the hospital. It was terrifying.
October, 2021 – Michael and I moved from the small cabin into his daughter’s new home in Waverley. This was overwhelming with many triggers surrounding me on a daily basis. My mental health continues to deteriorate. My overuse of CBD & THC exasperated this. Add to that, Michael’s daughter was navigating her own crisis with issues within her marriage.
January – I continued my Anxiety Support Group in Waverley. Unfortunately, this group did not succeed.
February, 2022 – I begin therapy again with a social worker who had lots of experience with a variety of mental health conditions.
February 9th, 2022 – I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder. At the time of this psychiatric assessment, I was not drinking alcohol. as this was mentioned in the report. I was however still addicted to CBD & THC that continued to impair my mental health.
February 12th, 2022 – I published my first blog in a series I would later create called: Living Successfully With Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder. This was my way of trying to wrap my head around understanding these new diagnoses.
March, 2022 – I still struggled with CBD & THC addiction.
April of 2022 – I stopped taking CBD & THC.
April 25th, 2022 – During my 53rd birthday, Michael’s daughter and grandchildren travelled to the Dominican Republic for a family vacation. Michael and I had the house to ourselves for my birthday. We had fun.
Overall, my days of turning 52 to 53 years old were filled with mental health and addiction struggles. I did a dive into trying to understand my diagnoses with blogging and regular therapy sessions.
I do not have memories of any major issues with drinking this year. I cannot recall how little or how much I drank.
There were good moments during this year, but it was hard to be present in them with such an undercurrent of inner turmoil simmering just beneath my surface.
53 – 54
April 25th, 2022 – April 25th, 2023
April – June, 2022 – Life continued on while living with Michael’s daughter in Waverley; at the same time my mental health deteriorating along with it.
I now understood having Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder were the causes of my struggles while living in Waverley. However, I did not have any privacy or space to try to heal. There was also a lot of alcohol in the house. This was a constant struggle for me.
Add to that, the ongoing marriage difficulties between Michael’s daughter, her now estranged husband and their battle over this brand new million dollar house they’d just built together. It escalated creating a lot of stress and fear.
At some point during these months my doctor started me on Effexor for anxiety.
April, 2022 – I’m still seeing the social worker therapist,
June 14th, 2022 – My doctor puts me on stress leave for the rest of the school year.
June 15th, 2022 – We move our 5th wheel onto our property in East Uniacke and stay there for the summer.
June – August, 2022 – Michael starts building our dome home. I struggle with my drinking.
October 9th, 2022 – I run my first marathon at Harvest Valley Marathon.
October 10th, 2022 – Had to stop running – too much physical damage from marathon.
October, 2022 – Moved back into Michael’s daughter’s house in Waverley.
October, 2022 – My drinking escalated.
October 26th, 2022 – Stepped back into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and picked up a 24 Hour Desire Chip.
November, 2022 – April, 2023 – Life carried on and so did my sobriety as I worked with an AA sponsor and attended regular AA meetings.
April 12th, 2023 – Michael and I get matching tattoos.
April 25th, 2023 – I turned 54 and had six months of sobriety.
54 – 55
April 25th, 2023 – April 25th, 2024
Life carried on.
I continued working towards 7 months of sobriety.
May, 2023 – Michael starts a job.
May, 2023 – I fire my AA sponsor and let my people pleasing skills pick my next one.
May, 2023 – CUPE goes on strike.
May 13th, 2023 – Michael’s son tragically dies from a Fentanyl overdose.
May, 2023 – I stopped going to meetings and stopped contacting my new sponsor.
May, 2023 – I start drinking again.
June, 2023 – I start micro-dosing mushrooms in hopes to calm my nervous system and help me stop drinking. My family doctor knew this, and was curious to see how helpful it was while I’m taking Effexor
June, 2023 – CUPE strikes ends.
June, 2023 – Michael and I move into our 5th wheel located on our property for the summer.
July, 2023 – I struggle with drinking while micro-dosing mushrooms.
July, 2023 – My social worker therapist I started with back in February of 2022 stops seeing me as a result of my struggles with drinking.
August 1st, 2023 – I return to AA and pick up another 24 Hour Desire Chip.
August – September, 2023 – I attend in-person AA meetings, get a sponsor then transition to Zoom meetings.
September, 2023 – Michael and I decide to live full time in the RV.
October 27th, 2023 – I drive to New Brunswick – pick up Vinnie – our new dog – a rescue from Texas.
November – December – 2023 – My doctor puts me off on stress leave to give me time to catch my breath. I attend multiple AA Zoom meetings a day to steep myself in recovery. I eventually stop micro-dosing mushrooms.
January, 2024 – Michael, Pooh Bear, Vinnie, Georgie (our cat) and I settle into RV living on our property. Sobriety feels good. My nervous system starts to settle.
March 26th, 2024 – Pooh Bear dies
April 25th, 2024 – I turn 55 years old along with almost 8 months of sobriety.
I’m still not quite myself, but well on my way to getting there.
55 – 56
April 25th, 2024 – April 25th, 2025
May – June, 2024 – Michael still going strong with building the dome.
June 6th, 2024 – We adopted Pebbles, like Vinnie, a rescue from Texas.
June 27th, 2024 – Discover Vinnie has heart worm – we decide slow kill..
June 28th, 2024 – Summer break begins with a sprain to my right lateral collateral ligament – thanks to Vinnie’s enthusiasm.
July, 2024 – I begin a 13 Week Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) Group through Community Mental Health and Addictions (CMHA), a Nova Scotia public mental health service. DBT is a therapy specifically for those with Borderline Therapy Disorder (BPD).
August 1st, 2024 – One year of sobriety as an active member in Alcoholics Anonymous with a sponsor, working on the steps and attending daily Zoom meetings.
September, 2024 – December, 2024 – Life continues with work, my continued sobriety and Michael transitions to building the interior of our dome home.
January 2nd, 2025 – I join a Ladies Night Ride at Sunnyridge Equestrian.
January 30th, 2025 – I buy a new-to-me elliptical and begin, once again, the long journey to weight loss the healthy way.
March 6th, 2025 – I sing in front of all of Georges P Vanier during Show Case – a dream come true.
March 23rd, 2025 – I begin riding lessons at Sunnyridge Equestrian.
April 17th – 21st, 2025 – Home sick with a bad cold so I decide to review my life since I turned 50 in 2019.
Why?
To see an outline of these years to gain a better perspective.
This is what I’m thinking:
- How important my proper mental health diagnoses was with Community Mental Health & Addictions; along with their continued therapeutic support and help to navigate these diagnoses.
- Our permanently moving onto our property and living in our 5th wheel allowed me a stable, secure, safe place to call home.
- Zoom AA meetings – allowed me multiple meetings a day to truly understand how the program works, to lean into and accept I am an alcoholic, to feel part of a fellowship with regular attendance to a specific Zoom meeting and opportunities for service with that meeting.
- That I am so much more than the times I struggled with alcohol and mental health.
- Therefore, as I grow with years of meaningful sobriety and mental health management into the woman I want to be, the years I struggled will become a memory.
S, 🌻
You’ve come a long way. I’m happy for you.
Yes, with each passing day, the years you struggled will become a memory. What a gift.
🌻💛🌻
Wow we have a lot in common!! I find you very inspiring. Thank you for your bravery in sharing! <3
Keep sharing! Keep blogging! Life is meant to be shared… to inspire… to bring hope… to know change is possible! 🌻💛🌟