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For as long as I can remember, I have always been on an inward journey to find my authentic self.

Who am I, really… beyond wearing masks and people pleasing?

Who is the authentic Stephanie under all my layers, protective shields?

After decades of misdiagnoses, on February 9th, 2022 I was properly diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder.

From that day forward, my life has continued to evolve for the better.

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I now had an understanding of my erratic and sometimes bizarre behaviours.

As well, since 1997, I have struggled with alcoholism.

August 1st, 2023 is my newest sobriety date. I hope to keep this sobriety date until I die, one day at a time.

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It is said within 12-Step rooms that I only sober up when I grow up.

There is a lot of truth in that.

Getting older does not guarantee a person becomes a mature adult.

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Where am I going with all this?

It began with today’s creation of my collage of my hairstyle change.

How my hairstyle is a reflection of me – of where I am at emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically in my journey of life.

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However, long hair on a woman is typically associated with femininity, youth and beauty; short hair on a woman is typically associated with older women and aging.

That said, a woman who braves cutting off her long hair to a short hairstyle is increasingly seen as a sign of confidence, strength and individuality.

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Typically, there is symbolism and psychology when a woman dramatically changes her hairstyle.

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For over 15 years, a variety of stylists coloured and highlighted my once dark brown and greying hair to multicoloured blond, styled long with textured and messy layers.

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I slowly became tired of this blond, as it looked more yellow than I liked it to be.

August, 2023 – I tried a perm.

That was fun but difficult to maintain to colour and perm – while destroying the health of my long hair.

July, 2024 – I had the length cut off to celebrate my upcoming one year of sobriety on August 1st.

As well as symbolizing positive changes and growth in that year.

However, to maintain that shorter style – I couldn’t have it both ways – colour and perm – my hair would be destroyed.

I had to make a choice. Perm or colour?

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It was time for a major hair change.

A big change that represents leaving my youth and follies in the past to then be transformed towards the mature woman I want to be.

I chose color.

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October, 2024 – I went from having blond to dark brown hair.

The perm (dead ends) had to be cut out. I hated this stage.

February, 2025 – Impatient, I tried layering my hair, myself.

That was a disaster that led to my decision to have my stylist cut it short – very short!

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I’ve had mixed reviews on my short hair.

It was said by a student at the junior high school I work at that Mrs. Wells has a boy haircut.

While others love my pixie, funky styled hair.

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The next phase was growing out the colour to allow for my natural salt and pepper colour come to fruition.

This feels natural. Me.

Symbolically, I am a snake continually shedding her skin towards the woman I envision myself to be.

S, 🌻

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