Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder – Reflections On A Lazy Sunday Afternoon

Introduction to This Blog Series

I was 27 years old when I entered into the realization that there was something wrong with me and one of the original diagnosis was Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD. 

I say something wrong with me because I was just not able to manage my life on my own and somehow knew there was something wrong with my mind.

Back then, not a lot was known about this horribly stigmatized disorder because BPD patients were considered impossible to treat or wrongly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. 

Along with BPD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) and Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (DDNOS) were also added to my diagnostic mix.

ADHD was quickly debunked and over the past two decades most professionals leaned towards my having PTSD or a Dissociative Disorder – but something about these disorders never seemed to fit.

Add menopause to the mix and the confusion became even more confusing.


Here are past blogs I’ve written about my struggles with anxiety and what felt like PTSD or DDNOS:

Alcohol Addiction

As well, I have a history of alcohol addiction.

Blogs About My Struggles With Alcohol

Present Day

When I was 52 years old I had a thorough psychological assessment by a seasoned psychiatrist. At long last, I was properly diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder.

This blog series called Owning and Unraveling Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder is my way of processing and understanding these complex personality disorders and how they manifest, interfere with and enhance my life.

And, as it has been said to me from friends who have family members with Borderline Personality Disorder, perhaps I can help dispel misconceptions and stigmas associated with these mental illnesses.

As well, perhaps I can shed some light and more personal information on what living with Histrionic Personality Disorder is like, for those who are also walking this path.

With hope,

Stephanie, 💛

August 11th, 2016 - Doha, Qatar - Souq Waqif Falconry Shop
August 11th, 2016 – Doha, Qatar – Souq Waqif Falconry Shop

Feeling Life So Deeply

It is speculated within the field of experts who diagnose mental health issues that those with BPD are born into this world more sensitive than others. Sensitive to the world around us, feeling emotions much more deeply than averagely felt by others. There is an empathic trait about us. We can “feel” an entire room – but our perceptions may not always be accurate as our own issues can get in the way.


As mentioned in this blog, 2023 Thoughts – Looking Forward – Eyes On Today, I talk about my return to the 12 Step rooms to manage my alcoholism.

This BPD sensitivity I speak of, as well as being an alcoholic is a mixture of two different yet very similar paths of management. Both require an acceptance of what is without placing any judgement on them and moving forward without self-will directing my actions.

There is a spiritual aspect to this acceptance.

It is removing my will – my self-will – to labeling any of the dynamics of any given situation/scenario – thinking I know the answers (self-centeredness), and then usually making things worse (emotional mind or rational mind).

In the therapeutic Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) language this is called detaching and observing and allowing space for the inner wisdom of the Wise Mind to guide my next step. The Wise Mind is that inner knowing we all have that discerns the difference between right and wrong and acts with maturity and humility. Some call this our connected consciousness, the soul, the spirit, etc…

DBT Three states of Mind
DBT Wise Mind

In the 12 Step Program there is the process of letting go of our need to control and direct our actions and the actions of everyone around us. We slowly make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understand Him. This God can be interpreted as that Inner Knowing we all have that discerns the difference between right and wrong and acts with maturity and humility. Some call this our Connected Consciousness, the Soul, the Spirit, a Higher Power, a Power greater than ourselves – a Power greater than our own self-will. The will of God.

3rd Step Prayer
AA - 3rd Step Prayer
AA – 3rd Step Prayer – Pinterest

Letting Go Of Old Ideas and Beliefs

To walk through life with acceptance; surrendering to what is and act on Wise Mind and/or God’s will means I have to let go of old ideas and beliefs.

The awareness to move from a heightened BPD emotional mind telling me my strong emotions of fear, anger, or resentments are justified – to a calm Wise Mind is the mindful process of DBT. I remove my self-will lenses of old ideas and beliefs to connect and hear what my intuitive Wise Mind has to tell me.

Changing my perception of God as this punitive, old white man up in heaven with flowing grey hair and beard who looks down with harsh judgment at us human sinners was a recommended good starting place.

To find my own version of God.


a christian themed illustration
Photo by Tara Winstead on

As of this moment, this is my version of God:

God is within me.

God is within you.

God is my intuitive Wise Mind, meaning in my humble opinion, God and DBT’s Wise Mind are the same.

God is this energy within every sentient being on the planet who connects us, unites us…in love.

My sponsor suggests I read the 3rd Step Prayer every morning.

I have it on the bathroom mirror.

So, God…. please relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will.

S, 💛

Owning and Unraveling Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder

2 Comments Add yours

  1. mama says:

    As time goes by we’ve been watching you grow. We see this in a number of different ways, especially in the areas of mind, body and spirit. When we open ourself to prayer we begin to see life in many different ways. All of them positive. Keep up the good work Stephanie. Love ya lots! DV & mama xoxoxo

    1. Love you and DV, too!! 💛🌼💛🌼

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