I would imagine, even for the most experienced communicator, that there are conversations where some words are hard to say. There is a deep yearning within, a hope the recipient of the difficult conversation has some understanding of what the conversation is about – and is able to have the profound level of understanding and compassion available to hear these words from you.
To then be able to see your struggle and give you a hand to hold, to speak the words, perhaps you cannot.
To be attentive enough, to understand your struggles enough, to know why your heart is hurting.
To hear what is not being said, to then say it for you with tenderness and love; to truly hear your heart.
Photo Credit – Pinterest
Be Able to Read The Room
It takes a certain understanding of complex social dynamics to be able to sometimes understand what is not being said. To be able to see outside of your own bubble – to get out of your own head – and be attentive to what is happening around you.
Think of the character Sheldon Cooper, on the comedy series The Big Bang Theory. If you’ve watched the show, you know that Sheldon is a brilliant scientist, but couldn’t interpret body language or read a room properly if he fell into it.
I imagine if someone has a hard time reading body language or reading the dynamic energy within a room filled with people – understanding what is not being said may be a challenge for them.
Photo Credit – Pinterest
Anxiety & Depression – Makes it Impossible to Be Attentive to Anything Outside of Being All Up in Your Head
Having a history of anxiety and depression, I know EXACTLY how these conditions prevent personal connection and being attentive to anything outside of being all up in my head.
I wrote a blog about this, in 2018. Click the below link, if you’d like to read it:
It is IMPOSSIBLE to read a room or read body language when I’m all up in my head, managing my anxiety. It’s hard to be present for my husband, to be attentive and understand what is not being said by him – when I can’t see anything past my own anxiety management.
Keeping Yourself in a Cocoon – The Opposite of Being Vulnerable
If you tend to keep yourself locked away, hidden, not exposing any vulnerability – it makes it impossible for your beloved to be able to read you. Their own lenses of insecurities may be the only way they can try to interpret what they think you’re not saying – because you’re not giving them anything.
How can your beloved be attentive to your needs, what you’re not willing to say – if you never express your true self, your true vulnerabilities – to allow any crack in your hardened shell for light to come in.
Photo Credit – Habits for Wellbeing
My husband Michael and I are very different here, in this Rule #40 – Be Attentive And Understand What’s Not Said.
Michael tends to stay in a cocoon, has a lot going on between the lines and doesn’t show it. There is nothing going on between the lines for me – because I wear my heart on my sleeve and everything in my lines are bold, underlined and in italics.
I still interpret what he isn’t saying with lenses of my own insecurities because he isn’t telling me much. Michael knows this about himself, and is slowly allowing small cracks in his hardened cocoon.
Learning to communicate openly and honestly, to be vulnerable, is a learned skill that takes time.
As well, imagine our difficulties with being attentive to each other, when I’m all up in my head managing my anxiety and he’s wrapped up in his cocoon.
This Rule #40 is a work in progress for us, while we walk this path of life together…
Originally published: March 20th, 2021
About me: Stephanie Wells
I’m a Reiki Master Teacher of Usui Shiki Ryoho – the Usui System of Natural Healing. I was attuned in Levels I, II & IIIA in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. During a 6 week stay in Mararikulam North, Kerala, India I was reattuned in Levels I, II, & IIIA as well as acquiring my Level IIIB Master Teacher attunement.