Difficult Conversations

I would imagine, even for the most experienced communicator, that there are conversations where some words are hard to say. There is a deep yearning within, a hope the recipient of the difficult conversation has some understanding of what the conversation is about – and is able to have the profound level of understanding and compassion available to hear these words from you.

To then be able to see your struggle and give you a hand to hold, to speak the words, perhaps you cannot.

To be attentive enough, to understand your struggles enough, to know why your heart is hurting.

To hear what is not being said, to then say it for you with tenderness and love; to truly hear your heart.

Photo Credit – Pinterest

Be Able to Read The Room

It takes a certain understanding of complex social dynamics to be able to sometimes understand what is not being said. To be able to see outside of your own bubble – to get out of your own head – and be attentive to what is happening around you.

Think of the character Sheldon Cooper, on the comedy series The Big Bang Theory. If you’ve watched the show, you know that Sheldon is a brilliant scientist, but couldn’t interpret body language or read a room properly if he fell into it.

I imagine if someone has a hard time reading body language or reading the dynamic energy within a room filled with people – understanding what is not being said may be a challenge for them.

Photo Credit – Pinterest

Anxiety & Depression – Makes it Impossible to Be Attentive to Anything Outside of Being All Up in Your Head

Having a history of anxiety and depression, I know EXACTLY how these conditions prevent personal connection and being attentive to anything outside of being all up in my head.

I wrote a blog about this, in 2018. Click the below link, if you’d like to read it:

Anxiety – The Antithesis of Personal Connection

It is IMPOSSIBLE to read a room or read body language when I’m all up in my head, managing my anxiety. It’s hard to be present for my husband, to be attentive and understand what is not being said by him – when I can’t see anything past my own anxiety management.

Keeping Yourself in a Cocoon – The Opposite of Being Vulnerable

If you tend to keep yourself locked away, hidden, not exposing any vulnerability – it makes it impossible for your beloved to be able to read you. Their own lenses of insecurities may be the only way they can try to interpret what they think you’re not saying – because you’re not giving them anything.

How can your beloved be attentive to your needs, what you’re not willing to say – if you never express your true self, your true vulnerabilities – to allow any crack in your hardened shell for light to come in.

Photo Credit – Habits for Wellbeing

Us

My husband Michael and I are very different here, in this Rule #40 – Be Attentive And Understand What’s Not Said.

Michael tends to stay in a cocoon, has a lot going on between the lines and doesn’t show it. There is nothing going on between the lines for me – because I wear my heart on my sleeve and everything in my lines are bold, underlined and in italics.

I still interpret what he isn’t saying with lenses of my own insecurities because he isn’t telling me much. Michael knows this about himself, and is slowly allowing small cracks in his hardened cocoon.

Learning to communicate openly and honestly, to be vulnerable, is a learned skill that takes time.

As well, imagine our difficulties with being attentive to each other, when I’m all up in my head managing my anxiety and he’s wrapped up in his cocoon.

This Rule #40 is a work in progress for us, while we walk this path of life together…

S, 🧡

Originally published: March 20th, 2021

55 Rules For Love:

Study Of “The 55 Rules For Love”

55 Rules For Love – Rule #1 – When It Arrives, Cherish It

55 Rules For Love – Rule #2 – Whatever You Accept, You Will Get

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 3 – Understand That Love Is A Mirror – It Will Show Us Who We Are If We Allow It To

55 Rules For Love – Rule #4 – Only We Can Make Ourselves Happy, It Is Not The Other Person’s Responsibility

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 5 – Don’t Say Words With The Intent To Hurt

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 6 – Accept And Forgive Easily

55 Rules For Love – Rule #7 – Don’t Be Scared To Disagree, It Is Healthy

55 Rules For Love – Rule #8 – Never Be Too Busy For Each Other

55 Rules For Love – Rule #9 – Do Not Punish

55 Rules For Love – Rule #10 – Accept Honest Criticism, It Is Good For Us

55 Rules For Love – Rule #11 – Admit When You Are Wrong, Quickly

55 Rules For Love – Rule #12 – Support Each Other When The Going Gets Tough

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 13 – Live In The Moment – Be Present

55 Rules For Love – Rule #14 – Leave The Past Where It Belongs

55 Rules For Love – Rule #15 – Leave Drama Out Of It

55 Rules For Love – Rule #16 – Don’t Try To Control

55 Rules For Love – Rule #17 – Allow A Small Amount of Jealousy

55 Rules For Love – Rule #18 – Don’t Use Comparisons

55 Rules For Love – Rule #19 – Celebrate Differences

55 Rules For Love – Rule #20 – Communicate Openly and Honestly

55 Rules For Love – Rule #21 – Listen Very Carefully

55 Rules For Love – Rule #22 – Don’t Judge

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 23 – Don’t Manipulate To Get Results

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 24 – Learn and Grow

55 Rules For Love – Rule #25 – Don’t Try To Change Each Other

55 Rules For Love – Rule #26 – Don’t Condemn Each Other’s Family and Friends

55 Rules For Love – Rule #27 – Lines, Flaws and Imperfections are Beautiful

55 Rules For Love – Rule #28 – Trust Your Instincts, But Don’t Be Paranoid

55 Rules For Love – Rule #29 – Don’t Compromise Your Morals And Values And Don’t Expect Them To Either

55 Rules For Love – Rule #30 – Instead of Power, Aim For Balance

55 Rules for Love – Rule #31 – Space Is Needed To Breathe And To Grow

55 Rules for Love – Rule #32 – Accept That You Are Both Unique – Never Compare

55 Rules For Love – Rule #33 – Have Fun, Laugh and Play – A Lot

55 Rules For Love – Rule #34 – Be Each Other’s Best Friend

55 Rules For Love – Rule #35 – Don’t Play Mind Games

55 Rules For Love – Rule #36 – Do Not Carelessly Throw Away Love

55 Rules For Love – Rule #37 – Don’t Waste Energy With Negative Thoughts

55 Rules For Love – Rule #38 – Compliment Often

55 Rules For Love – Rule #39 – Discover Each Other

55 Rules For Love – Rule #40 – Be Attentive And Understand What’s Not Said

55 Rules For Love – Rule #41 – Do At Least One Romantic And Thoughtful Thing Every Day

55 Rules For Love – Rule #42 – Take Picnics And Sleep Under The Stars

55 Rules For Love – Rule #43 – Don’t Just Speak About It, Show Love

55 Rules For Love – Rule #44 – Walk Together, Cook Together, Bathe Together, Read Together

55 Rules For Love – Rule #45 – Do Not Be Afraid, Love Requires Surrender

55 Rules For Love – Rule #46 – Be Loyal And Faithful

55 Rules For Love – Rule #47 – Trust

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 48 – Be Grateful

55 Rules For Love – Rule #49 – Fluidity Is Good, Accept Change

55 Rules For Love – Rule #50 – Don’t Sleep On A Fight

55 Rules For Love – Rule #51 – Don’t Cling To It, Know When To Let Go

55 Rules For Love – Rule #52 – Discover What Turns You Both On And Explore It

55 Rules For Love – Rule #52 – Make Love, But Also F*ck (Regularly)

55 Rules For Love – Rule #54 – Give And Receive Without Measure

55 Rules For Love – Rule #55 – Never Gamble With What You Can’t Afford To Lose