This is the rule that started the ball rolling with this entire 55 Rules for Love series.
During a recent trip to Mexico, my husband and I were struggling with a few of our differences.
These struggles inspired me to review a list of love rules called 55 Rules For Love that Michel and I read together when we first met, 6 years ago.
Here is the link to my first blog in this 55 Rules For Love series that introduces the list:
Many books and movies, within a variety of genres, have exampled opposites attracting.
Star Wars archetype couple, Han and Leia, model this perfectly!
It is HOW we handle our differences that paves either a smooth or bumpy road together.
I believe by celebrating our differences, this is the HOW to navigating a smoother road together.
To celebrate each other’s differences, we have to clearly see and accept the reality each other’s personality; and understand how this benefits the marriage, rather than hinders it.
Seeing The Reality
My husband is opposite from me in a few ways. He is quietly contemplative, and stoic. I am overtly contemplative and expressive. I am quick to worry and reactive. He doesn’t seem to worry and takes everything in stride. I work at one task at a time to completion, then start the next. My husband has five tasks on the go, hops back and forth from each, mostly to completion. I am highly organized and list driven. My husband keeps a mental list and sees organization in his many piles of paperwork. My husband is curious and has an insatiable appetite for learning. I am easily overwhelmed and learn one new thing at a time.
Sometimes, our patience is tested. An example would be if I am worried about something and he doesn’t seem bothered by it. This stresses me out because I think he isn’t taking something seriously enough. His patience is tested when I am worried about something, creating stressful energy around us, when he doesn’t see the need to worry.
If both of us were a worry-wart like I am, we’d trigger each other, get caught up in a panic loop and always be stressed over something!
If both of us were as laid back as my husband, and didn’t think ahead of possible issues, possible “what-ifs”, troubleshooting as I like to call it, then we would never be prepared.
Yes, “balance” is an overused word, but very much needed when opposites attract! Finding this balance is very much like being on a seesaw. Some days are up, some days are down. Sometimes we’re finding just the right amount of balance.
Celebrating Our Marriage
For me, finding this balance in our marriage has been seeing how beneficial my husband’s personalty traits are to himself and our marriage, are that are opposite from mine. And vice versa. How my personality traits, that are opposite from him, benefit both himself and our marriage.
But, this isn’t always easy!
Recently, I started celebrating our differences with daily emails to my husband, indicating a difference between us and how that benefited both me as a person and our marriage. These emails, however, were sometimes challenging as we re-recognized how some differences between us were difficult to navigate through. This opened up deeper, more difficult, honest conversations. Happily, these conversations eventually evolved into celebrating our marriage.
There are still hills and valleys ahead of us, that may yet reveal more differences ahead.
Time Heals All
I believe with more time and history a marriage has, along with both embracing each other’s differences and a continued commitment of a deepening love, these differences become a strong anchor through the hills and valleys of life you face together.
Originally published: April 10th, 2020
About me: Stephanie Wells
I’m a Reiki Master Teacher of Usui Shiki Ryoho – the Usui System of Natural Healing. I was attuned in Levels I, II & IIIA in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. During a 6 week stay in Mararikulam North, Kerala, India I was reattuned in Levels I, II, & IIIA as well as acquiring my Level IIIB Master Teacher attunement.