Wow.

This is a powerhouse statement.

My first thoughts are, if you’re accepting that your husband/wife/life partner, however you label your significant other, is physically, emotionally or mentally abusing you, then that is what you will get.

Why? Because, in my early twenties, I was in a physically, mentally, emotionally abusive relationship. Why did I stay? Why did I accept it? Because I felt trapped, I didn’t have an out. Once I had an out, I was out!! Why did I accept that behavior? Because I didn’t think I was worthy of love. Because I didn’t know any better at the time. I didn’t know I had a choice in men. When the relationship finally got so bad, especially the emotional and mental abuse, I shut down completely, just waiting for an opportunity to escape. An escape happened when my cousin moved out on her own. She wasn’t even in her apartment a day and I moved in, too. I just needed a safe space to get my head straightened out and make a plan. With the help of my family I found an affordable, dog-friendly apartment in downtown Halifax, on the corner of South and South Park Street. I still dream about that apartment sometimes. It was my safe haven of independence and freedom!

All through my 20’s, 30’s, and into my 40’s I chose not-just-right-for-me-men. I entered therapy at the age of 27 and for over a decade I was introduced to words like self-love, self-esteem, self-worth, boundaries, and inner-child work. Thankfully, over the years, with the help of therapy and my continual work on my inner-self, my choices in men slowly evolved. I gradually learned what characteristics I wanted and did not want in a partner.

Then, when I was 44 years old I decided that was it. No more playing house with a man. No more partner or common-law. No more one-foot-out-the-back-door, a quick exit. My next relationship was going to end in marriage. This man had to be all-in. Nothing less. A relationship bound in marriage in the eyes of the law, a marriage that was sacred – not religious – but two people willing to make a legal commitment to each other – until death-do-us part. I was looking for my ONE. My ONE true love who matched what I had come to realize was important to me in a relationship and willing to jump in with both feet…to be my husband, I would be his wife.

Whatever you accept, you will get.

I found my ONE.

My lenses of what I will accept from my husband and what I get back from him is based on my ever-growing self-esteem, self-love and self-worth; lenses of open and honest communication, safety, trust, vulnerability, acceptance, respect and laughter.

Abuse, drama and one-foot-out-the-door are banned. I no longer accept those behaviors in my life.

This year I have set a goal to run a half-marathon. This goal and my commitment to it, this form of physical exercise paired with my commitment to my inner-work has been like a wonder boost to my self-esteem, self-love and self-worth!! I feel like Wonder Woman as I push myself to increase my run time by 1 minute each day!! I feel like a warrior who is continually striving emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically, to be the best person I can be!

Whatever I accept in love, I will get back in love.

Whatever I accept as love, is the kind of love I will receive.

I accept only a love that honors the best that Michael and I can be, individually and for each other.

So, I ask you…what do you accept in love? What are you accepting as love?

S, 💚

Originally published: January 11th, 2020

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55 Rules For Love:

Study Of “The 55 Rules For Love”

55 Rules For Love – Rule #1 – When It Arrives, Cherish It

55 Rules For Love – Rule #2 – Whatever You Accept, You Will Get

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 3 – Understand That Love Is A Mirror – It Will Show Us Who We Are If We Allow It To

55 Rules For Love – Rule #4 – Only We Can Make Ourselves Happy, It Is Not The Other Person’s Responsibility

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 5 – Don’t Say Words With The Intent To Hurt

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 6 – Accept And Forgive Easily

55 Rules For Love – Rule #7 – Don’t Be Scared To Disagree, It Is Healthy

55 Rules For Love – Rule #8 – Never Be Too Busy For Each Other

55 Rules For Love – Rule #9 – Do Not Punish

55 Rules For Love – Rule #10 – Accept Honest Criticism, It Is Good For Us

55 Rules For Love – Rule #11 – Admit When You Are Wrong, Quickly

55 Rules For Love – Rule #12 – Support Each Other When The Going Gets Tough

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 13 – Live In The Moment – Be Present

55 Rules For Love – Rule #14 – Leave The Past Where It Belongs

55 Rules For Love – Rule #15 – Leave Drama Out Of It

55 Rules For Love – Rule #16 – Don’t Try To Control

55 Rules For Love – Rule #17 – Allow A Small Amount of Jealousy

55 Rules For Love – Rule #18 – Don’t Use Comparisons

55 Rules For Love – Rule #19 – Celebrate Differences

55 Rules For Love – Rule #20 – Communicate Openly and Honestly

55 Rules For Love – Rule #21 – Listen Very Carefully

55 Rules For Love – Rule #22 – Don’t Judge

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 23 – Don’t Manipulate To Get Results

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 24 – Learn and Grow

55 Rules For Love – Rule #25 – Don’t Try To Change Each Other

55 Rules For Love – Rule #26 – Don’t Condemn Each Other’s Family and Friends

55 Rules For Love – Rule #27 – Lines, Flaws and Imperfections are Beautiful

55 Rules For Love – Rule #28 – Trust Your Instincts, But Don’t Be Paranoid

55 Rules For Love – Rule #29 – Don’t Compromise Your Morals And Values And Don’t Expect Them To Either

55 Rules For Love – Rule #30 – Instead of Power, Aim For Balance

55 Rules for Love – Rule #31 – Space Is Needed To Breathe And To Grow

55 Rules for Love – Rule #32 – Accept That You Are Both Unique – Never Compare

55 Rules For Love – Rule #33 – Have Fun, Laugh and Play – A Lot

55 Rules For Love – Rule #34 – Be Each Other’s Best Friend

55 Rules For Love – Rule #35 – Don’t Play Mind Games

55 Rules For Love – Rule #36 – Do Not Carelessly Throw Away Love

55 Rules For Love – Rule #37 – Don’t Waste Energy With Negative Thoughts

55 Rules For Love – Rule #38 – Compliment Often

55 Rules For Love – Rule #39 – Discover Each Other

55 Rules For Love – Rule #40 – Be Attentive And Understand What’s Not Said

55 Rules For Love – Rule #41 – Do At Least One Romantic And Thoughtful Thing Every Day

55 Rules For Love – Rule #42 – Take Picnics And Sleep Under The Stars

55 Rules For Love – Rule #43 – Don’t Just Speak About It, Show Love

55 Rules For Love – Rule #44 – Walk Together, Cook Together, Bathe Together, Read Together

55 Rules For Love – Rule #45 – Do Not Be Afraid, Love Requires Surrender

55 Rules For Love – Rule #46 – Be Loyal And Faithful

55 Rules For Love – Rule #47 – Trust

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 48 – Be Grateful

55 Rules For Love – Rule #49 – Fluidity Is Good, Accept Change

55 Rules For Love – Rule #50 – Don’t Sleep On A Fight

55 Rules For Love – Rule #51 – Don’t Cling To It, Know When To Let Go

55 Rules For Love – Rule #52 – Discover What Turns You Both On And Explore It

55 Rules For Love – Rule #52 – Make Love, But Also F*ck (Regularly)

55 Rules For Love – Rule #54 – Give And Receive Without Measure

55 Rules For Love – Rule #55 – Never Gamble With What You Can’t Afford To Lose